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Why is it so hard to...

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J_trustno1

MyPTSD Pro
...love, accept and be friendly to yourself?

I can easily believe in negative and hateful things I'm told than the positive things. I see positive comments about myself as lies and are just for condolences. Anything I want to achieve or find attractive in a potential partner, I tend to restrict myself and bully myself to the point that I don't deserve this or I am not allowed to achieve high. I feel guilty for my happiness whenever have any.

It's just hard to be happy and accepting yourself. I want to be normal again :(:cry:. I hate being my own enemy and putting myself down :( :cry:
 
I think it can be hard for lots of reasons. Probably lots of reasons all at once, too. But one thing I know is that it doesn't just go away, there is work that goes into learning to forgive yourself for whatever you believe you've done wrong, and learning to see yourself the way you would like to, instead of the way you were taught to see (if that makes sense), or learned to see. It doesn't just turn off.

Can I ask, @J_trustno1, what specifically are you doing in therapy to work on these feelings and behaviors that cause you pain and suffering?
 
My T only tells me to change each negative thought to two positive ones and this is NOT how my brain works. I see her after 3 weeks because she's too busy :(
 
Can you look into switching therapists? I know I've suggested DBT before - it's the thing that has helped me the most with my distorted thinking, and even when I can't quite believe in a positive thought, I can almost always get to a good neutral thought, and those really don't hurt. The more you practice walking these self-critical pathways, the stronger they get. So it does take conscious action to re-direct the thought - but I would not say it's quite as simple as "two positives for one negative". That's a little like telling someone to just instantly do a backflip. If you don't know how to do it, there are some steps you need to go through first. DBT is one way to get those steps. CBT is another very good way to get those steps. ACT is also good for this. But these are all structured therapies, and techniques that you can learn and apply - it's not just talking about feelings, which can be a useful therapy for people sometimes, but it sounds like you need something specific.

Anyway, I don't know how it works in NZ, at all. But I would really, really encourage you to put some time into learning some techniques for how to address the thoughts you are having. You will hurt less.
 
@J_trustno1 , please let me say this as someone older than you, you can do this. The earlier you start working towards it or not limiting yourself the more you will achieve & grow. Recognizing the problem is half the battle. :tup:

Speaking from experience, if it isn't challenged it will become so ingrained it will be even more difficult to challenge, not just to believe it's possible but even believe it is 'so'. I can't even read an affirmation, & compliments seem, Idk, 'misinformed'-?

As @joeylittle said above aim for neutral. :hug:
 
No, @J_trustno1 - I'm actually saying exactly the opposite - the problems you are having are absolutely treatable, and you just need to take the steps to get the right treatment. I'm sorry, I'm all about analogies lately, but it's like you have a bike with a flat tire, and you're riding on it because you've lost the cap and you know it won't fill with air for long anyway. And what I'm trying to say is, there's a bike store where you can get a cap, and fill your tire, and riding will be easier.

OK. That might be the worst analogy ever, but it's what I'm putting out there when I talk about different therapies, that's all. @Junebug said it better and in less words. :)
 
My counselor has only been giving this thing about changing one negative thought to two positive ones. I asked her about specific techniques and she just ignores them telling me that they are just fancy names given and you can Google this information yourself. I'm not getting anything out of this therapy. I've seen her for 8 sessions but I'm still at the same spot. Sometimes she sees me after 3 weeks and sometimes after 2 weeks and sometimes after a month (i.e. Christmas holidays ). She's 79.

She wastes first 10 mins of our session organizing things, next i get to share my issues for few mins, then she talks some stories. By then we have 5 mins left. Last time she was telling me that she's starting a business and selling scented candles, she brought that info in my 1 hr session not after. Asking me if I want to try them. Then i asked if it is therapy related? She said no, just something she's planning to do. She told me sorry that she isn't supposed to be promoting her business in therapy. She gave me a brochure and website for her candles.

I don't know where I am in therapy anymore. I'm not making any progress! :cry: :(
 
Thanks, @Junebug :)
I don't know where I am in therapy anymore. I'm not making any progress!
Your therapist is not doing her job, in my opinion. Get a new one. Get someone who is going to challenge you, and support you, and give you tools. Seriously - think of it as a personal trainer for your psyche. We all need help with all sorts of things, why not our sense of self as well? Honestly, you don't need to suffer through a session about candles and googling. You need weekly support from someone who believes in skill training. You can do this.
 
Jess, there are heaps of therapists in Auckland. I gave you a list I think or told you to google them. Go and get a new therapist, Are you under ACC or private ? As they have a list on their website as well. Your one sounds like crap !
 
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