Combat Wife 2006
New Here
My husband is suffering from PTSD from a tour in the Gulf in 2006. We have been together for 13 years. We have two daughters; 5 1/2 years and 7 months. Things really started to spiral toward the end of my last pregnancy and haven't really come back to normal. I am not convinced things will ever be better right now actually.
He has been seeing a trauma therapist weekly for a few months. I only found out that they were reprocessing trauma in therapy a couple of weeks ago, until then I really had no idea what the heck was going on, but our home and family situation had been . . . uncomfortably unstable.
He has been isolating huge and blaming me for everything that is wrong with our life, our relationship and for his trauma. He is only ok if I don't talk to him at all. He has been telling me it is nearly over for us every time he gets angry, but won't tell me why. The last few weeks he hasn't touched me, if I try to talk to him about anything he flies off the handle. We mutually decided that perhaps he needed to take some time alone after his sessions after he put his fist through our bedroom door, but now he doesn't come home until the next morning or the next afternoon. Every week he's gone for at least 24 hours. If I ask something to him about where he goes or what he does all he'll breaks loose. I am apparently not entitled go know. We plug along and then three days later he will flip out about something I say and tell me that I am his problem, that I am making him crazy. Then right around the time things start to settle down he has another session and the whole ugly cycle starts all over again.
I am having a really difficult time not taking this personally and an even harder time explaining or justifying why he doesn't come home to our oldest daughter, but also to myself. I feel so so so alone. He told me in one of his rages that the only reason he hadn't left me was our girls. My feelings about any of this, or about how mean and nasty he has been to me , literally, aren't a factor in the dialogue. He says he "doesn't care." We have our second session with a marriage counselor this morning and he didn't come home last night and when I text him he ignored me .
I truly want him to get the help he needs and deal with this junk he has been packing around for 8 years, and I am proud of him for finally facing it at all. And I have told him that, but he just tells me I am being condescending and that I don't give a crap about him.
I am trying really hard to hang back and just give him the space he needs, but it is really hard when there is part if me saying this is a really abusive situation and that after everything we have been through together I should be entitled to expect at least a little common decency from him. I don't know how to make boundaries about that. And, it feels a little like if I put up any more walls there will never be a chance for us to recover our relationship. He says he loves me, but he isn't acting like he even wants to share oxygen with me and he is mean to me in front of the kids. Who does that to someone they love?
I have read a ton on this site, but I just don't know which end is up right now. Is this typical behavior? I fear my perspective is missing in action so any insights would be greatly appreciated.
He has been seeing a trauma therapist weekly for a few months. I only found out that they were reprocessing trauma in therapy a couple of weeks ago, until then I really had no idea what the heck was going on, but our home and family situation had been . . . uncomfortably unstable.
He has been isolating huge and blaming me for everything that is wrong with our life, our relationship and for his trauma. He is only ok if I don't talk to him at all. He has been telling me it is nearly over for us every time he gets angry, but won't tell me why. The last few weeks he hasn't touched me, if I try to talk to him about anything he flies off the handle. We mutually decided that perhaps he needed to take some time alone after his sessions after he put his fist through our bedroom door, but now he doesn't come home until the next morning or the next afternoon. Every week he's gone for at least 24 hours. If I ask something to him about where he goes or what he does all he'll breaks loose. I am apparently not entitled go know. We plug along and then three days later he will flip out about something I say and tell me that I am his problem, that I am making him crazy. Then right around the time things start to settle down he has another session and the whole ugly cycle starts all over again.
I am having a really difficult time not taking this personally and an even harder time explaining or justifying why he doesn't come home to our oldest daughter, but also to myself. I feel so so so alone. He told me in one of his rages that the only reason he hadn't left me was our girls. My feelings about any of this, or about how mean and nasty he has been to me , literally, aren't a factor in the dialogue. He says he "doesn't care." We have our second session with a marriage counselor this morning and he didn't come home last night and when I text him he ignored me .
I truly want him to get the help he needs and deal with this junk he has been packing around for 8 years, and I am proud of him for finally facing it at all. And I have told him that, but he just tells me I am being condescending and that I don't give a crap about him.
I am trying really hard to hang back and just give him the space he needs, but it is really hard when there is part if me saying this is a really abusive situation and that after everything we have been through together I should be entitled to expect at least a little common decency from him. I don't know how to make boundaries about that. And, it feels a little like if I put up any more walls there will never be a chance for us to recover our relationship. He says he loves me, but he isn't acting like he even wants to share oxygen with me and he is mean to me in front of the kids. Who does that to someone they love?
I have read a ton on this site, but I just don't know which end is up right now. Is this typical behavior? I fear my perspective is missing in action so any insights would be greatly appreciated.