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Work Is A Trigger? Too Many Alpha Females In My Life...

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SeanCharles

MyPTSD Pro
Okay,

I know the title of this thread may appear a bit sexist, that is not my intention. My intention is however realizing that I have been traumatized in the past by a woman who was trusted to take care of me, not abuse me as a child.

I should have seen red flags when I met with the Food Managers in 2008! I once again made a mistake that I made 8 years earlier by choosing to marry someone.

The exception to the many Alpha females in title in ways is one special alpha female who has been with me since before I started working who is not abusive in their authority. This special Alpha female shows me and has the years we've been together total loyalty and total and complete unconditional love. Whereas, the human alpha females I have to deal with outside of home are, after all respectfully human beings. While one alpha female I work with is not always as overbearing as two others, I realize that maybe I am seeing these human alpha females as a trigger. Whether or not they are intentionally in part because they don't know me fully, their authority over me still affects me as I am realizing that I still have a lot of trust issues with females in an authority role to work on and comes to terms with. I am in no way applying the females (staff) here to this, as I know that and understand, that we all can relate to each other.

In ways too, being fair here, Alpha males that I deal with while I had males cause trauma to me as well, are not as much as a trigger as woman in authority are. I am still trying to wrap my head around all of this issue as I am in many ways confused here.

Respectfully,

Sean/Geordie
 
I totally understand where you are with this SEAN!......

I have major issues with aggressive alpha-males especially those who sign at me that they are "Watching Me". My main abuser would put his two fingers in front of his eyes and flick his hand towards me in a gesture that he had his 'Eye on me'

I was badly triggered when an unsuspecting young "needy" male made the same gesture right in my face.

To say I snapped is probably the biggest understatement ever. I Literally SNAPPED ..... Luckily I was on a phone call to one of my closest friends at the time and if he had not been on the other end of that phone call I would have done something I know I would have regretted. My psyche tells me I am a scared little boy in that particular scenario but my concious 'now' being is 43 yrs old ex squaddie who literally is not afraid of any man.

Short story, this lad realised he had crossed the boundary with me very quickly and ran off before I had time to hang up the phone. If I had not been on the phone at the time that situation may well have turned very nasty indeed. I am really glad it didn't.

Laurie/Santa :)
 
@Santa_Laurie I have a few that do that, My main focus here though was too many over bearing women (humankind) who are in an authoritative role, this is where I have a major issue which I think IS one of my problems with this job. The male authority figures I look up to with respect. (I think I have an "Ah ha!" moment here.)

I wonder why there is a difference with respect to males versus females, being I am a male myself, I can relate to males better with trust (to an extent) and loyalty (something I gained from my step(Dad) which I feel is overseen with woman. Maybe they don't perceive loyalty the same way that males do? I know that's a bit rhetorical, but I seem to be asking more and more questions now...
 
@SeanGeo
These are important questions you raise. Often I wondered how particularly my sons were taking all the overbearing tw@ttishness of their female teachers as they were going through school. One especially overweening teacher actually hit one of them. (With the feminisation of education I think there have been many downsides for boys and young men.) However they grew up to be macho and in leadership roles- is that a reaction or simply an expression of plain, old-fashioned maleness (which I admit I gently encouraged)?

Not sure one can generalise about loyalty by gender though. I experience 100% loyalty from some independent-minded women friends but not from those who pin their identities on being in competition with other women for male attention. It appears that this dynamic doesn't really arise in male-male friendships or bonds.

At the end of the day, as I see it there are decent kind men and women and there are even more of both genders who are to be avoided! I wonder if gender is the real issue or whether it's more to do with the type of personality? I was interested in your post because I can relate to the effects you described feeling. You see, I get excruciatingly triggered by any person who is overbearing, know-it-all, patronising etc. They usually have tickbox forms in their hands and are jobsworths who have - or think they have - power over me.
 
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In conclusion of my Sunday, June 1, 2014, I am definitely fighting a major roller coaster that I normally fight during the week. Describing how my weekends are spent essentially building myself up to be torn down again, seems like an abuse. I don't know if I am right or wrong. I guess my question of/or concern here is two-fold:

  1. Is this a new trauma or is this stirring up the old unprocessed, unexposed, trauma as if I am watching a movie in 3D?
  2. What, if any additional damage or stress am I adding to my already overflowing PTSD Cup that I am aware of now and am fighting the stress, both good and bad, with my own form of Stress Inoculation Therapy by this cycle of tear down/build up which has been and still is having a profoundly negative impact on me?

It's been stated to me by a fellow member here that I am resilient, strong and admirable. I don't deny this... I can't keep being broken down and spend only two days of a seven day week rebuilding myself up for a paycheck that I realize is enough to survive on, yet doesn't come with a greater appreciation or gratitude that I really really deserve. Thus, knowing the REAL me and knowing what I don't allow certain people to know or see of me only enables their toxicity to continue and escalate as it recently has...

Sean/Geordie
 
I am not sure what you mean by alpha female but I was triggered at work by women as well. In this case, it was definitely harassment. The two I am thinking of would stand behind me and shout orders at me in a degrading way. One actually threw a cigarette butt at me at one point. What defines alpha female? Is it popularity or control or attitude?
 
At the moment I am not in a clear mind to properly answer this. I will say that it's a power happy person who likes to place others on a pedestal while expecting a higher standard of me than that of my co-workers without giving me some allowances of extra time which I haven't requested.
 
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