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Work Struggles

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Thank you, @Mal Content for encouraging me to write about this.

I am currently doing recruiting for traveling nurses. I'm on the phone for 60-100 phone calls a day, trying to establish relationships with these nurses, check in on them, see how they're doing, and ultimately get them to do a 13-week assignment at a hospital through our agency.

Sounds simple enough, right? Well... my problem is that my abuser groomed me my whole childhood- waited until I was of age, then began forcing himself on me.

I tried to distance myself from him time and time again, but seeing as how he was "part of the family" I was too afraid/ashamed/embarrassed to end my relationship with him because, well, I'd have to explain to everyone why - and that was just too much for me.

The other thing that made it so hard was his constant follow up. His texts every morning.. "Just checking in" "wanted to see how you're doing" "when can we do dinner" etc.

Somehow I land a job where doing those things are my EXACT JOB DESCRIPTION!!! "Hi nurse xyz, just checking in, how are things, etc"

I desperately wanted him to stop pursuing me- but didn't have the courage/personality/ability to tell him to stop. Even if I would tell him pleasantly to back off, he wouldn't.

Now I don't want to put others in that situation. But my job literally depends on it.

(This also directly correlates to my fear of dating- but that's for a different forum at a different time...)

Any input/advice/sympathy would be much appreciated :)
 
So your job discription is calling nurses, right? Is he a nurse? Can you pass on calling him, block his number so he can't text you and just go silent?

Im not quite getting the contact with him and the job.
 
Oh. God.

Are you basically triggered every moment of the workday? I feel like I could weep for you. :(

How long have you been doing this job? I can't remember how long you've been on the sertraline, but your may need to ask your doctor for something like lorazapam to help you until the sertraline kicks in.

Is changing jobs an option, or are we looking for ways to help you cope with this one for the long run? If that's the case, mindfulness exercises throughout your day - maybe before each call - would help you stay in the present.

Sending you support and encouragement...
 
@lostforgottensoul
Thanks for the responses thus far. No, he is not a nurse, he is already completely out of my life and my family's life.
The correlation is just how much effort he put into "hunting me down" and how my shame and embarrassment allowed me to continue giving in.
Now I need to "hunt nurses down" - but even though I know I am helping them,
And trying to help find them employment, I dread that I need to constantly "check in" with them, as my uncle incessantly did with me.

@Mal Content basically, yes, I'm triggered all day. Some days I'm in the zone, others I dread picking up that phone. I suppose I should consider finding other means of employment- but I feel like working through this can be incredibly rewarding
 
@Notsurewhoiam. You're right. It would be incredibly rewarding - a sure sign that you're well on your way to recovery. It also sounds like an interesting job, minus the emotional baggage.

60 - 100 calls a day sounds like a LOT of calls! Do you spend all of your time on the phone, or do you have other duties, as well? Is your boss the type who would be willing to consider changing up your duties somewhat until you're feeling better able to stay grounded?

I highly recommend EMDR therapy with a qualified therapist. It's the only treatment I know of that attempts to remove the emotional/body memory, rather than teaching how to live with the pain.
 
There are a number of therapies that process trauma. EMDR may work wonders, but if it doesn't, don't despair as something else may work better for you. :hug:
 
@EveHarrington Eve, I haven't been able to find any other therapies that process the trauma. Do you have any examples? I wouldn't mind taking a break from the EMDR.
 
It is a rather cut throat environment... I don't dare ask for different duties... I've only had the job 9 months, and I was well aware of the duties when I applied for it. I was sort of desperate for a job and had a friend refer me.

I may give this EMDR therapy a go... I'll talk to my T about it. She is a LMFT, anxiety and depression therapist. I do question if she is qualified to treat my condition
 
As a nurse I appreciate the calls from agencies and am not always able to respond or work at that time. Remember they signed up with lots of paperwork for travel. You are doing them and hospitals a great service! You are just trying to maintain contact and nurses do appreciate it. I never felt hunted just offers of potential jobs. Wayyyyyy different than a psycho abuser going after you and hunting you down. Glad you have no contact so you can heal! Sorry that happened to you and you are triggered. I found EMDR on you tube. Deep breathing helps me. Hang in there!!!
 
Ok, so you need to keep your head down at work. Can you talk to your doctor about meds to help with the anxiety until your antidepressants kick in? The mindfulness exercises are something you could do between calls, even if you only have 30 seconds, or so. It's discreet, as well.

Please, if you go with the EMDR, confirm that your therapist has completed training in it.
 
@Kailani So.... Were you by chance looking to do any travel work? We have TONS of great opportunities right now :p:p:p
And mal... Yeah, when I first started the setraline (2 months ago), I felt incredibly disoriented and suicidal. Then he gave me some klonopin which made me feel like myself again. After a month on those, I stopped and had terrible withdrawals.
Now it's gabapentin which doesn't really do much for me. I'm still taking the 50 mg of setra but I dunno... I'm still unsure if it is helping.
 
You may need to try a different antidepressant. I don't think you should be feeling this way... :(
 
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