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Working On Acceptance

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Ayasha

MyPTSD Pro
I think acceptance, or lack thereof, is my biggest difficulty in overcoming my problems.

There is an analogy that I have found useful to help me visualize why therapy is very important. It was described to me once, by someone who often encourages me to get the help I need. She said that my problems are like a deep wound on my arm (or wherever you like, I always imagine it on my arm) and that over the years I just placed a bandage over it but the wound never healed. By going to therapy, I am cleaning out the wound and making it heal until it is nothing more than a scar.

I like this analogy very much, and it has helped me to remain motivated to continue therapy even though a lot of the things we discuss I find very difficult.

I know I have made good progress in therapy but, deep down I know I am not doing as well as I could be. I haven't told my therapist much about what happened to me unless I was already at my "breaking point" emotionally due to flashbacks and/or nightmares. When I am at this point, I do believe something happened to me, I believe that I was traumatized.

The problem comes when I calm down, and my rational side takes over. I have another visualization that helps me understand why I "battle" myself over all of these memories: I have two sides to me and they are my emotional side and my rational side. I doubt I am the only one out there who copes through rationalizing their lives. I think rationalizing has helped me cope and protect myself over the years; it also kept me from experiencing many emotions which make the healing process in therapy terribly hard.

I think I would have a much easier time overcoming my symptoms and problems if I could just learn to accept that something DID happen to me, I just don't know how to really start doing that.

Has anyone found a way to begin accepting what has happened to them? I'm hoping to get help with this so maybe I can finally stop battling myself and my memories.
 
Acceptance does not come easy. It involves letting go of the inner struggles tearing you apart. Be patient with yourself and you will reach acceptance. It brings a measure of real inner peace. It sets you free from the inner war going on inside of you.

At least this is how it worked for me. I wish you good luck on this endeavor. It is so worth it. Hugs.

PS you deserve to feel better and experience a measure of inner peace.
 
I've had a lot of trouble accepting what happened. I think it's my subconscious protecting me from getting overwhelmed. Although that has made me frustrated and I've seen it as an obstacle to healing, now I'm starting to view it more as a subconscious way of pacing myself. I've noticed that whenever I do a lot of work on stability and grounding, I'm more likely to have times of accepting what happened.

I say "times of accepting" because I've always gone in and out of it. I still do, although now the balance is different and I accept it much more than I question it. I have some times of disbelief or minimisation and I think that's to protect me still.

Thinking rationally can work both ways. I've used the tendency to ask myself why I have the symptoms I do, act the way I do, feel the way I do, have the memories and can understand other people's posts about it, if it didn't happen or wasn't that serious.

I've talked about it in therapy without quite believing it. I've had to explain that I'm worried it might not be true but I need to talk about it anyway. My reaction to talking about it (shaking, and other things) and my therapist believing me have helped me to accept it myself.
 
I think acceptance is something that happens at many different levels. One of the first things is acceptance of what has happened. It doesn't mean that we have to like it or think that it is fair, but it is the realization that something did happen, it is over with, and as a result it changed us. That acceptance is what helps put an end to the "what ifs", as that is the problem with the past. It is the past and there is nothing that can be done to change it.

I believe the second phase of acceptance is accepting what is and what is not our responsibility. Not every traumatic thing is our fault, and learning to let go what is not our responsibility, is the first step of letting go of guilt and shame. Accepting responsibility for our actions, without judgement, is another step. Hindsight is always 20/20 and learning to take the lessons, and using those lessons not to make the same mistake in the future, is the best that anyone can do.

Ultimately there is acceptance of yourself, where you are at. Deciding what you want to change and pursuing that goal, but without labeling, degrading, and hurting ourselves. Self acceptance is not stagnation, but growth with love, kindness, forgivenes and grace. So many things we freely give to others, but rarely give ourselves.
 
Thank you all. I had actually been speaking to my oldest friend the other day and he, in his own way, told me not to let my parents' not believing me stand in the way of healing. He said it is very hard to do this without the help and support of parents but their beliefs should not determine mine. I liked that a lot.

I've used the tendency to ask myself why I have the symptoms I do, act the way I do, feel the way I do, have the memories and can understand other people's posts about it, if it didn't happen or wasn't that serious.

You know, I actually started doing this lately after my therapist and I were talking about my habit of rationalizing everything. I think they would prefer I didn't rationalize so much but I have been looking at how I react to many things and the way I act in certain environments. I don't think it is a coincidence or "all in my head".

Thank you guys.
 
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