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Worried I'm Not Doing Emdr Right.....

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Ambi

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Hi, I just joined today. A quick background, grew up in a very dysfunctional family. A lot of trauma, etc. I have infertility and only conceive via treatments. I'm married to a great guy and I've overcome a lot of things. I became preg in Jan 2015 with b/g twins. In May 2015, at 19 weeks, I became very sick and lost the twins. This was very traumatic for me, the whole event. My water broke, I gave birth to each twin, Emma was born first, her brother born 28 hours later. I'm 2 months out of a miscarriage due to Trisomy 16 with a boy.

I'm seeing my counselor because I live in a black hole of extreme depression. We started EMDR. I'm just wondering if I'm doing it right? I'm not sure what supposed to happen. She waves her hand and then I'm supposed to tell her what comes to my mind. Often it's nothing, I'm just blank. I don't know, I feel stupid, like I'm not doing it right. Yesterday it was just ranges of anxiety. I'm just curious if people could describe what happens to them during their emdr sessions.

I usually end up crying at some point. It's all very emotional, but seems very disjointed. I dunno, I just want to make sure I'm getting it right. I really want to get better.
 
My heartfelt condolences on the loss of your babies. I truly understand. Sending you gentle hugs if you accept.
I have not done EMDR, but many here have... you will get feedback soon... welcome and I pray you get what you need for your healing journey.
 
@Ambi I am VERY sorry about the loss of the babies! I know partially what that feels like and I fully know what now not being to concieve feels like. BIG :hug:s to you!

As to your question, this link might help:

http://www.emdr.com/

EMDR is different for everyone and you will get all different answers as theres not one right one so Id read up on it as much as you can.

Edited to add: @Ambi i totally forgot to welcome you to the forum, Im sorry. So welcome!
 
Thank you guys for the help. The link describes EMDR, but I'm interested in hearing about people's experiences with it. Like how they feel or act during EMDR? What comes up for them? I just want to compare. I'm just worried I'm doing it wrong, like not getting the help that I need.

Thank you all for the condolences on my losses. It's been very hard. My twin loss was very traumatic. Nothing was wrong with them, I was sick and dying and didn't know it and my blood infection (unknown) entered their placentas and broke my water. I've been dx with PTSD due to the trauma of their birth.
 
I have done emdr on a weekly basis. Currently taking a break. It's different for everyone. I have earphones on with the alternating beep instead of my therapist waving her hand. My ptsd is from extensive child sexual abuse. I don't talk a lot during emdr-I just answer my therapists questions - how are you feeling? Etc etc etc. We focused on certain traumatic moments and I had to think about it and then say how I was feeling or what I was seeing. It was hard, and I never thought I was doing it right and I always asked her. She said there is no wrong or right-processing usually occurrs even if you didn't go into detail of the traumatic moment. Emdr is not for everyone....and it takes time to feel a difference. I usually left my sessions feeling worse -she said processing can continue for 2 weeks.

How trained is your therapist in emdr? That's important to ask -you don't want to be more hurt by it than healed. (If that makes sense)

Sorry about your loss....I really am. My thoughts are with you...
 
I have had three emdr sessions now. My experience is similar to Snowflake where I wear a headphone and it has a pleasant beep, alternating with each ear. I also hold two buzzers in my hands which buzz, alternating between my hands. My therapist first asked what type of place in my imagination was the most pleasant and peaceful. She then asked if I could have anyone in the universe watch over me to keep me safe. I then enjoy this person walking with me in the most peaceful and beautiful place. I then made myself into the child I used to be, again walking with this wonderful person in the place I would believe to be like nirvana. My eyes are kept closed the whole time and I explain what I am feeling, doing, all of it. It has been extremely joyful and when I am done I have a wonderful feeling of peace. Now when I'm stressed I imagine the whole scene over and over. It was strange at first but now I very much look forward to it. Also I am able to recall the memory (I don't know what else to call this) when I'm stressed and it really helps to calm me down.

I researched my therapist prior to going in. I asked lots of questions, i.e., are you certified, where did you go to school, what did you study, ect. I believe in being proactive after seeing psychiatrists, therapists, going to CBT out patient programs, DBT outpatient and inpatient programs. I am open to just about anything at this point but I feel if I don't take charge of how I am treated and how I deal with this illness I am afraid I'll go back to the drug merry-go-round and never get off of it.

I'm truly at a loss of words for what has happened to you. I feel that there isn't really too much I can say to make you feel better. Except to offer my support. I have experienced multiple miscarriages until through fertility treatments my son was finally born at 27 weeks and spent over two months in level 5 NICU. He is healthy, strong and all grown now. My daughter born not quite two years later and she was also almost a pre-term baby but somehow I held on and she was born. She too is now grown and is healthy and strong. My hopes and strength to you Ambi. Please know it can get better.

Many many hugs to you if you accept.
 
Thank you guys so much!!! I honestly can't thank you all enough for the kindness, support, and sharing your experiences. Those of you who've gone through infertility and/or loss, I am so sorry. It's pain and heartbreak no mom should go through.

I'm feeling better about my EMDR treatment and hoping it helps me heal and carry my angels with peace and love instead of pain heartbreak.
 
Just wanted to also offer my condolences for your losses - I have also experienced many miscarriages, it is awful.

EMDR is a pretty crazy thing, some of the things that have helped me in this process is to feel safe "going there" - and that has taken a lot of time and trust building with my T. I also am just VERY honest with what happens during the bi-lateral simulation. If I am distracted, I say that I was distracted. If I am purposefully avoiding, then I say that.

Wishing you all the best - hope you are able to find health and healing on this journey.
 
I started EMDR due to ongoing family trauma, abuse and loss. I went every week for 5 months. I would wonder if I was doing it right as well. I would drive to my T thinking I had nothing to say and that this was weird. When i got there so much came out and I found myself heaving while crying. My body was sore the next day and I was exhausted all weekend. I had great success

I took a break and I have recently started again. I am trusting the process and I'm scared. Processing these memories is not for the faint of heart. Good Luck.
 
Hi, I just joined today. A quick background, grew up in a very dysfunctional family. A lot of trauma, etc...

There really isn't a right or wrong with EMDR. You experience what you do. Sometimes it takes a while to find what needs processed and bring it up. This isn't something that you need to think about. Go with the first thing you think (or feel) even if it is blank.

Any type of therapy may not be the right one for someone. Even if EMDR doesn't meet what you need, there is no failure there.
 
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your babies!! I can't even imagine your heartache.

I am about to start EMDR and am quite anxious about it. I will be asking a lot of questions when I meet the therapist.

Wishing you healing on your traumatic losses.
 
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