First, I'm feeling a bit fragile, so please be gentle with me. I'm also aware that because of that fragility my thinking may not be straight, so if you think I'm wrong, do say so - gently.
I did the second part of a three session assessment yesterday. This was very specifically not looking at past traumas, just at the way I live now. As usual in therapy or assessments I was generally calm, thoughtful measured. On the way home I was thinking about why it still felt so triggering, and why I was now shivering as I walked, with virulent self hatred following me along the footpath.
It occurred to me that it might be because that is how I reacted in each traumatic situation. I don;t think the other person/people would have seen signs of distress. Even in a situation where I was under age, so legally couldn't consent, I do remember the phrase "Oh, so you really didn't want to"
So am I actually triggering myself by not showing / experiencing emotion? Might it be less distressing to be upset in therapy?
I did the second part of a three session assessment yesterday. This was very specifically not looking at past traumas, just at the way I live now. As usual in therapy or assessments I was generally calm, thoughtful measured. On the way home I was thinking about why it still felt so triggering, and why I was now shivering as I walked, with virulent self hatred following me along the footpath.
It occurred to me that it might be because that is how I reacted in each traumatic situation. I don;t think the other person/people would have seen signs of distress. Even in a situation where I was under age, so legally couldn't consent, I do remember the phrase "Oh, so you really didn't want to"
So am I actually triggering myself by not showing / experiencing emotion? Might it be less distressing to be upset in therapy?