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Would your t steer you wrong?

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Bowob

I’ve been seeing T since July. We originally started with the plan that I’d work on my marriage, but my husband is not helping. He’s anti therapy and anti changing anything about himself. He’s also verbally/emotionally abusive. So now T and I have agreed that it’s time to work on leaving. I have this nagging doubt that maybe I’m wrong, that he’s wrong, that I’m doing the wrong thing. Do you think that a T would help me with this if he wasn’t 100 % sure that this was the right thing for me to be doing? I wish I didn’t need this much validation but I do.
 
Since none of us know the full picture, or what you and your T have talked about.... my suggestion, is to get very quite with yourself and see what YOU need and want... T's can only go with the information we give them.... but I think I would want to work on myself first... so, if in fact , leaving became the way to go, I would know more about myself and what to expect... just an opinion...
And just because a T suggests something, you do have the right to question why he feels this is the way to do this, that or the other.... we are paying them ..... they are not wise wizards that have all our personal answers..... the more input you have into your own healing, the more confident you will be....
 
Sometimes therapists make suggestions regarding "plans" as a way to plant seeds and encourage exploration of a subject. Ultimately you need to reflect and decide what is right. I do not believe therapist (reputable ones) would mis guide you but as was mentioned he can only advise/guide based on information you have provided. Therapists also are objective and can recognize patterns. For example maybe every week you are upset by xyz and it is creating a bigger problem for you.
Good Luck
 
I’ve been seeing T since July. We originally started with the plan that I’d work on my marriage, but my husband is n...
No one can be a 100% sure. It has to be your decision. Your t can give you their opinion, but ultimately you have to decide, because it’s your life and your the one who has to deal with the decision.
 
Have you told your husband that if he didn't participate in therapy you were leaving him?

OP here. My husband refuses to participate in any kind of therapy and I am not supposed to discuss him in any way in therapy. It’s one of the many “rules” he has. We have separated once already and he promised he’d change so I’d take him back. I’m not innocent. I do things that he doesn’t like (not cheating but more like not following through on things or forgetting things) but I don’t call him names or degrade him or invalidate him the way he does to me.

Yes there have been patterns of continuous fights and increases in my fear. Only my use of skills has kept me from hurting myself or him.

All I think about is leaving, being on my own, alone. Not getting yelled at for every little thing or being called stupid. I’m the one walking on eggshells all the time afraid of making any kind of mistake. I guess my answer is here.
 
He sounds controlling and abusive to me. It also sounds like you’re clearer on what your willing to put up with and what your not.
 
My former Ts have been wrong about my husband. It happens. Several of them had their own agendas based on their personal experience.

Once my husband realized that he wasn't the one who caused my PTSD, he thought he was to blame, he stopped acting like an asshole. Just like that. He was verbally/emotionally abusive before that. Most of it was anger at the sudden changes in our marriage to numerous to list here. My husband did go to therapy early on in my healing journey. Though he has declined to go now that he knows it isn't about him.
 
OP again. My husband thinks it’s all about him. He thinks I don’t care enough about him and he is asking me to change my entire personality from my sense of humor to how I treat my pets. Everything is what I should have done or said, and how I should be different.

If your husband changed I congratulate both of you. It’s very rare. My husband changed once. It lasted a month.
 
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