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Writing a Trauma Journal is Hard!

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pandora

MyPTSD Pro
Now that i started my story or journal, i am flooded with thougths from back then. My symptoms are bad today. I know I need to do this, I have to. it is just so hard. i hope writing it all out in this manner is going to stop the constant memories. my traumas run together . I was so young. I remember a lot but I have also blocked out a lot. Welcome to my PTSD world. Just needed to vent!
 
That is the idea of writing them out, to bring them all back and deal with them, no longer ignore them. Deal with the emotion, reason with the emotion, look at everything you feel guilty, find whether you are guilty or whether you have just taken it upon yourself the guilt that rightfully belongs elsewhere. It will make you very ill, suicidal even, have no doubt, but you must control you, and you must know that you will come out the other end if you work hard on yourself. You can't just write it all out and do nothing with it, it doesn't work that way, you must work on yourself and reason logically with your past, with all your negative emotion. The idea is to raise all the negative emotion you hide, you keep secret, and deal with it so PTSD no longer has all this past negative emotion to feed upon, thus PTSD can no longer be as strong, thus the symptoms calm and give you a chance to learn how to control and manage PTSD itself.
 
Writing always hard when it comes from deep inside. I used to be told that I wrote with my heart's blood because whatever I wrote came from deep within. I don't know if it is because I had troubles speaking as a child and I only learned to speak through writing or what. I only wish there was a quicker way to unload all this baggage, but whatever works...

jaa ne and luck

Kat
 
It is hard pandora, when I started writing mine I felt all bound up inside and freaked out, had bad dreams and thoughts but as I looked at it more and reminded myself that it isn't my life NOW it got easier. Sometimes I reread it and I feel like i am not as shocked by it, that I can deal with it and see it for what it is ----the past. Keep up the good work and lean on us when you need to.
 
Thank you........I can't beleive it still can make me feel the way it has. Now today, headache....bad. So hopefully I will get back to it soon. No, i will get back to it. I am going to do this!
 
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