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Young and Not So New To This - Abused on Every Scale

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by metis-siren, Apr 21, 2007.

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  1. metis-siren

    metis-siren Active Member

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    Hello Everyone,

    For now I'll go by my screen name - it was thoughtfully created and has served me well over the years. I am Metis, which has something I've had to learn quite a bit about - being native wasn't necessarily something I grew up with - more than polishing the wood carvings and occasionally lighting sweet grass. The word also the name of the Greek goddess of wisdom and deep thought.

    I'm twenty two, and a university student. I've made it my life's mission to turn what's happened to me into something positive. Through understanding and education, I've made it my quest to do research about the under-researched, and push for change where it needs to be. I'm 4 years into my undergraduate honours degree in Sociology (I'm minoring in Law, and Aboriginal Studies), and while all my friends from first year are graduating, I'm looking at another 2-3 years. Its somewhat disappointing, but I know everyone learns at their own pace.

    I've been in therapy since I was 14, and my current psychiatrist (3 years and going) are developing a nice little niche. I live with a host of conditions, and when all is said and done, they total approximately 22 health conditions (they tend to keep up with my age, sadly). I've been diagnosed with PTSD (when I was 15), moderate depression, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, a host of other chronic pain conditions, migraines, and a plethora of other conditions.

    As for what I've been through - though I'm in counselling, I rarely talk about the actual abuse, I talk more about what it has done to me on a daily basis. But generally speaking, this is what I survived: I was sexually, psychologically, physically, emotionally... abused by my step-father for eleven years - starting at the tender age of three. My mother was often abusive towards me, or watching my step-dad abuse me. When I reached high school, my step-father took a step back on the abuse, at least sexually, and I got into a fairly serious relationship with my boyfriend, who was a couple years older, who subsequently decideded to sexually abuse me in every way he could imagine. I became pregnant at the age of 15 from one of the rapes - I miscarried. My family wouldn't believe me - and here's where it gets to me - both my mom and my step-dad were social workers - my mom had worked in Women's Shelters for those leaving domestic violence, and my step-dad was actively counselling sexual abuse survivors! My parents decided after a botched suicide attempt (more along the lines of trying to be numb emotionally) that it was time to ship me off to my biological father. A man who has abandoned me after finding out that his step-son was sexually abusing me, when I was 8. That didn't go over so well, I moved at least 10 times in less than a year. I ended up, after being passed around from relative to relative, living in a group home for eight months, and then in a youth housing co-op. I somehow managed, even with abhorable living conditions, and being chronically ill - in and out of hospitals and doctor's offices, missing at least half the year of school to graduate at the same time as everyone else, and with better grades than most of my friends. I managed to get to university, and crashed.

    There's a lot more to it, but that's a starting point.

    I have a good boyfriend now, and we have a dog together (who has been trained to pick up on my emotional wellbeing and behave accordingly - he's such a sweety). My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and an half, though I live by myself - and he lives at home - things are good.

    So I suppose this is my long winded introduction. It's nice to meet everyone here.

    Blessings.
     
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  3. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

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    hey, welcome to the forum.
     
  4. reallydown

    reallydown I'm a VIP

    hi! welcome to the forum...i'm also a student...and theoretically should've graduated last year, but I still have another year to go...so don't worry about that. Just do what you can. Hopefully you'll find this place helpful. I know I do.
     
  5. metis-siren

    metis-siren Active Member

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    reallydown, it means a lot to know that there are others like myself out there. I took a class on women's abuse this term - yeah, I really wasn't ready for the course. I'm struggling with the leftovers from it, as it sent my PTSD through the roof.

    Thank you both for your warm welcome to this forum, it means a lot.
     
  6. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

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    metis-siren

    Hi metis-siren, and :hello: Welcome to the forum.
    I'm no longer 22, and how nice that sounds to someone's whose 40 now. I am truly glad you found this forum, for any and all needed support, identific., help healing, any new useful info. (to apply ASAP), and even new friendships. Whatever! As I hope you find it All.

    I too have been through sexual, emot., psych., phys. abuse early and throughout my childhood and teens.
    And, likewise I too have made this my mission to turn those abusive yrs. into something very positive. Even though I might add I've gotten lost, at times along the way and fallen into funks and relapses, I have not abandoned this same very dream.

    :thumbs-up I'm so happy for you that you're very strong. This is what I see in you, as I read your post. You really are metis-siren, and I'll be hoping the very best for you. By mentioning the strength I see, I'm not in anyway trying to minimize your health problems, any other problem or your need for help, support, further info., whatever, I'm simply stating, in my opinion, giving the nature of the abuses you've been through and still coming out on top, with strength, hope and desire for living, you seem to be doing and have done a darn good job despite everything, and that's alot to be proud of.

    Again Welcome to the forum!

    Hope
     
  7. reallydown

    reallydown I'm a VIP

    Hi metis-siren. I'm glad you're here. Don't worry...I take classes that trigger me all the time...I can't help it...I'm interested in human rights, political science, international relations...and even English classes often deal with war etc...Take care.

    RD
     
  8. reallydown

    reallydown I'm a VIP

    Oh and...we're the same age too :)
     
  9. metis-siren

    metis-siren Active Member

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    goingonhope, Thank you so much for that message, it means a lot to me. I know I'm still young, but I've faltered, I've gone into quite a few depressive episodes, but somehow, no matter what happens, I get back up, dust myself off, reflect in my journal about it, and push myself to go farther.

    reallydown
    , got any advice for trying to learn an entire language in less than 4 days? What have I gotten myself into? I was poli sci but switched majors because it turned out that I was a bit of a theory buff, and loved understanding human interaction way too much *go figure*. Turned out along the way, that me, the one who hated math, turned out to love stats. I'm actually trying to find a new prof to back my research because Statistics Canada wants me to do Master level research with them - I found anomalies in their own data! I'm really frustrated though, because I'm in between years (thanks to a couple major crashes) and can't get into the classes I need to take unless I decide to make my undergrad 7 years instead of 6... and I intend on doing my than my B.A which means I'm going to be in school forever *refuses to think about student loan debt*
     
  10. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Hi Siren, welcome to the forum.

    Calling you Metis as a name is just too weird for me since we share the same heritage there. I, too, had to learn about my background although I have lived off the land my whole life. It is the story of the Metis, really, that we must learn who we are after the fact.

    What language are you taking? Michif is very hard to learn (our actual language) but there are not University courses for it. Anishabwe (spelled wrong.. hehe) is very close though. (I'm a language freak myself! Lol)

    anyways, welcome.

    bec
     
  11. metis-siren

    metis-siren Active Member

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    I'm learning Cree - finding someone to learn Michif is difficult, especially since there are so many regional dialects. Hopefully, down the line I'll be able to pick it up, but right now I'm working on Cree - there's a good chance my university will be offering it up to certified translator. With the line of work I want to get into, it should be an asset to preliminary field research, as it is the most widely spoken of all the Aboriginal languages in Canada.

    I'm not sure if this is of any interest to you, but one of the prominent areas of research that I intend to do is on the Metis, as there isn't a lot of information, and if there's anything I've learned through being a survivor, it's that you really to know who you are. In that regard, I find that enabling the Metis people to have a more comprehensive understanding of their identity is essential.

    I'm getting pummeled by the amount of information I need to retain (my memory can be really bad) and I don't think it helps that I crashed for a month or so this term, so I missed a lot of information.

    I have a stalker and he's been around for almost a year now, and after dealing with the university for almost 9 months to try to take appropriate measures, about two weeks ago, this came to a head, and I finally talked with the police (very triggering after trying to get my step-dad and rapist put in jail and all the things that come along with making formal reports and not having them take it on), whereby the police were supposed to call me and let me know that they had given him a warning, but never gave me a name or number to contact them at, and I still haven't heard back from them. My stress levels have been high, but I've been trying to work through it.
     
  12. Audrey_Hepburn

    Audrey_Hepburn New Member

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    Hi Metis

    Hi,

    I'm new here too.

    I'm also a student. I finished my law degree a few years ago, and had to take 3 years off so I could come back and do the graduate diploma I need to do in order to practice. Yes, it's hard to study while you have PTSD, it's such a struggle. I don't know how I do it, but I guess I don't really have a choice.

    I look forward to getting to know you : )

    Cheers,
    Audrey
     
  13. reallydown

    reallydown I'm a VIP

    An entire language in less than 4 days? Wow...I barely speak English properly
     
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