Triggered By Intense/obnoxious Outbursts

[awaken1]

I have a housemate who really triggers me with his laugh and the noises he makes watching tv and playing video games. I really, really hate his loud, environment-shattering laugh. The cues literally prompt me to physically prepare to defend my life. That's what it feels like. I don't like engaging him because when I do he can't seem to respond. The one time I did he just apologized profusely and ran himself down. What else can I do besides my own inner work on acceptance. I really feel the hatred coursing through me even when he just walks in a room. Part of me wishes he would cross me directly, I'm so charged for a conflict.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not going to harm this person. These are my feelings.

 

[Sideways]

It sounds as though you just don't get along with your roomie, and that his laugh and his video games are possibly a reminder that you can't get away from this person that you just plain don't like..?

Is moving out at some point an option?

 

[Riot]

@awaken1, I feel like I can really identify with you on this. My therapist laughed really loud a few sessions ago, and while we normally have a few chuckles, the bellowing caught me off guard and really popped my heart from my chest. I tend to also get startled when my husband sneezes or laughs unexpectedly, too.

 

[awaken1]

It sounds as though you just don't get along with your roomie, and that his laugh and his video...

I'm looking around at other options. But at some point I want to face the issue and heal, if possible

 

[EveHarrington]

Is it possible you're blaming PTSD when it could just be an issue of incompatibility?

I mean quiet people would probably hate living with a guy like that too.

 

[Stormdancer18]

I understand. The intensity and knee-jerk reactions around politics (racism, hatred, bigotry, etc.,) seem to trigger me, although it has been decades. The racism especially, and the "open carry" mess triggers memories of the narcissistic, violent stepfather who abused me and a sister back in the 50s. I lose sleep over it, even after all these years, therapy, and working in the field of mental health most of my career. I have to do a lot of self-talk as well as prayer, sometimes get up and share a cheese stick with my dog and let him climb on the bed so I can feel his warmth. I also have to ask my sisters and friends to "please, let's have lunch without bashing anyone, today". If I'm still having a hard time, I get up and work on my knitting until I am calmed enough to sleep.

 

[awaken1]

I understand. The intensity and knee-jerk reactions around politics (racism, hatred, bigotry, etc.,) seem to tri...

Wow, thank you for sharing this.

 

[sedna]

I have a housemate who really triggers me with his laugh and the noises he makes watching tv and playin...

I think it's interesting that you feel like you have to find a resolution that involves complicated analysis and facing really difficult feelings.

Thats a tendency of abused kids, as adults we forget that we're allowed to just reject a situation or person if we want to.

Its a survival pattern to dissect and forensically analyse relationships because understanding it and moderating your reactivity is how you manage to adapt to your home life.

Except, this guy is not your parents, and lots of people accidentally find roommates that get on their nerves badly. It doesnt mean anything significant really. You are totally okay that you hate him, and it doesn't make you a horrible person. Plan to live somewhere else or get a different room mate before it escalates to where you do something really mean and hate yourself for it. You can find some nice way to tell him if you try.

 

[awaken1]

I think it's interesting that you feel like you have to find a resolution that involves complicated analy...

thank you for this, i feel understood! thanks to my support system i think it won't escalate. i think i do all the inner work so it doesn't escalate. i do understand most times that his issues aren't an attack on me. but they feel like it sometimes.

 

[Ink]

I think it's interesting that you feel like you have to find a resolution that involves complicated analy...

That second paragraph though. That really hits. That integral need to make things right and make people and situations better even when it comes right down to simple incompatibility. Thank you for putting it into words so well. I have so often experienced this in my own life.

@awaken1 I am often startled by loud noises as well. I work in a pizza shop, and when a tray of dough is empty, it goes on the floor. Even if they yell out "loud noise," most of the time I don't process the warning until after the sound. When I am already having a rough night, sometimes that's enough to put me up into almost panic mode, and I get angry when they don't warn or don't give enough time to process. But it's a situation I can't escape, similar to yours until you can find a new roommate. I can try to reiterate my negative response, but the point is to make pizzas fast. And I don't always know how long my brain will take to process the warning. Sometimes it seems longer than others. When I am stuck in the store and triggered like this, I try to go fold boxes. Repetitive hand motions can be meditative, kind of like coloring, knitting, or model building. Or if I can go out on a delivery, I listen to audiobooks (most libraries have phone apps where you can download them to have on your phone or computer) and they can often take me back to a better place after being triggered. I can create my own environment in that way until I am back to the store, enough to restore myself a bit before returning. I liked your description of environment-shattering. Very on point. I know these are mainly distraction techniques, but perhaps they could help things be more bearable for you as well.