the messy one
New Here
I'm the messy one.
My dad was a drunk, my mom was preoccupied with everything else but me. I was the weird kid, the one who failed classes and didn't like to talk to people or make friends easily or go places. The nervous kid. The messy kid. The kid with so much potential and why was I wasting it?
I've been in individual therapy for 8 years. C-PTSD, MDD, GAD, ADD, attachment disorder, BED complicated with components of OCD. I'm a veritable bowl of poisoned alphabet soup over here and I'm on what feels like a ton of medications, but they're working and well. My eating disorder is almost a non-issue at this point. Same with the MDD (although I've had a bad bought of it lately, the first in 16 years, though).
I'm married for almost 15 years now to the greatest guy ever so I'm sorry about getting him before anyone else. We have a lot of animals, but no kids, that's more work than either of us is up for. I don't work due to a long complicated reason that has to do with where we live and why and the fact there are no jobs here in what I'm trained to do (CGI lighting and environments). There are no jobs here beyond entry level, low-wage jobs and I wouldn't feel ok taking one of those jobs when there are so many here who actually need them while I'd just be filling my time. So I'm a housewife which, tbh, makes me feel pretty worthless a lot of the time, but I try to remember back when I would have killed to be in this position and be grateful for the freedom to do what I want when I want for the most part.
I fill my time with photography, sewing, embroidery, vinyl for shirts and decals, and used to write too, but I've recently stopped because I'm pretty sure I'm mediocre at best and IDK there are complicated feelings tied up in that which I am not in a position to get into right this second.
Anyway, I'm glad to have found you guys and will be hanging around a bit if that's ok.
My dad was a drunk, my mom was preoccupied with everything else but me. I was the weird kid, the one who failed classes and didn't like to talk to people or make friends easily or go places. The nervous kid. The messy kid. The kid with so much potential and why was I wasting it?
I've been in individual therapy for 8 years. C-PTSD, MDD, GAD, ADD, attachment disorder, BED complicated with components of OCD. I'm a veritable bowl of poisoned alphabet soup over here and I'm on what feels like a ton of medications, but they're working and well. My eating disorder is almost a non-issue at this point. Same with the MDD (although I've had a bad bought of it lately, the first in 16 years, though).
I'm married for almost 15 years now to the greatest guy ever so I'm sorry about getting him before anyone else. We have a lot of animals, but no kids, that's more work than either of us is up for. I don't work due to a long complicated reason that has to do with where we live and why and the fact there are no jobs here in what I'm trained to do (CGI lighting and environments). There are no jobs here beyond entry level, low-wage jobs and I wouldn't feel ok taking one of those jobs when there are so many here who actually need them while I'd just be filling my time. So I'm a housewife which, tbh, makes me feel pretty worthless a lot of the time, but I try to remember back when I would have killed to be in this position and be grateful for the freedom to do what I want when I want for the most part.
I fill my time with photography, sewing, embroidery, vinyl for shirts and decals, and used to write too, but I've recently stopped because I'm pretty sure I'm mediocre at best and IDK there are complicated feelings tied up in that which I am not in a position to get into right this second.
Anyway, I'm glad to have found you guys and will be hanging around a bit if that's ok.