CopperDeer
New Here
I know it's not an obligation and my partner constantly reminds me it's not, but I can't help but feel like I have to do that for him. I have this overwhelming fear that if I don't put out, my relationship will fall apart. Does anyone else deal with this? I experienced CSA for a number of years and then a sexually abusive relationship right after I turned 18, so I think being treated that way for so long skewed my judgement. Logical me is unable to convince the rest of me it's not a personal failing.
My whole self esteem is based on if I'm able to make myself sexually attractive or available. He complains when we go a long time without and I feel incredibly guilty. I don't want to disappoint him or make him feel inadequate, but for the last month I just have no desire. Even when we are active, I cry when we're done or have a full blown panic attack. I feel like a fool. I don't want our sex life to be colored by this thing forever, but sometimes it's re-traumatizing.
My whole self esteem is based on if I'm able to make myself sexually attractive or available. He complains when we go a long time without and I feel incredibly guilty. I don't want to disappoint him or make him feel inadequate, but for the last month I just have no desire. Even when we are active, I cry when we're done or have a full blown panic attack. I feel like a fool. I don't want our sex life to be colored by this thing forever, but sometimes it's re-traumatizing.