Kaylove498
Confident
I'm having a really hard time lately and I truly think I'm on the verge of losing my mind.
I was told about a month ago I deal with dpdr. For the most part I've gotten use to how it feels the out of body the unfamiliar feeling with myself and my surroundings. But for over a few weeks I can't seem to be on any type of normal schedule. I have some days were all I want to do is sleep then I have other days where I can't sleep at all even if I try.
I started therapy a couple weeks ago and this seems to get worse after therapy.
I have a bad fear of going insane or dying so it doesn't help when I feel completely lost. I have absolutely no sense of self. I have no schedule everyday is something different if it's not someone arguing in the household it's something going on with the other side of my family. I get a more intense feeling that I'm not here and that I don't care. I'm constantly exhausted physically and when I do try to sleep I wake up in a panic or I jump back up wide awake my body has been becoming numb physically. Things don't seem to make sense. People are starting to look odd to me.I stay in my room at all times I avoid getting up and going anywhere because I feel like physically I'm not here or if I do I'm scared I'll faint. My vision has been getting blurry and thing will look blurred like there is smoke around it even people have this odd look like there is a film or something over them.
I was doing the same thing everyday wake up search my symptoms go to sleep and repeat all day for over a month that's been my routine. Now that I'm in therapy I stay in my room for the most part until the day of therapy and the day of I get up go to therapy and walk around the house. This makes me feel better in the moment but then usually get tired and run back to my room to sleep and when I wake up I'm in this weird place like I'm in amazement that I walked around for a day which leads me in this weird place that I don't understand what's goin on or why it's happening, then the thoughts begin that I'm losing my mind or how weird everything looks.
Even the smallest thing disrupting my routine of laying in bed and not seeing anyone until the evening seems to put me in this odd mental state like nothing makes sense. I also have no feeling of time or what it really even is. But I know my usual routine sleep all day stay up all night doing searches on what could be wrong with me then do it again.
The last few days I haven't had that. 3 days ago I decided to walk out to the living room because I've been frustrated with myself and decided enough was enough, that's when I felt weird but I decided to push through it. The sleeping was also thrown off I decided to stay up all day and sleep at night which didn't work I slept a few hours and woke up at 3 am I panicked and kept pushing through and stayed up for over 24 hours I slept that night but everything felt weird yet comfortable the next day.
The day I had therapy though turned into a very odd mental state I stayed up talked with the family cleaned did things way out of routine to push myself then I crashed and slept a few hours. When I woke up I had a phone call about a family emergency and stayed up all night dealing with it but in between the phone calls I was goin into a weird place, everything was off - I usually spend my nights alone in a quiet place relaxed dealing with my own thoughts by myself but I couldn't do that and felt like one wrong thing and I'd be gone forever mentally. Soon enough the sun came up and by this time I'd usually be getting ready to fall asleep or at least lay there until I finally do with no interruptions but this morning I was still dealing with the family emergency and can't sleep. A family member came in my room which never happens I'm usually alone until the evening because that's just how my schedule has been and a few minutes later a friend of mine is knocking at the door all while I'm still dealing with the back and forth calls about the emergency.
I know it's a lot and probably makes no sense. Alll I want to know is am I losing my mind. Is there something I could do or change to fix these feelings or thoughts physically and mentally? I just want answers!!! I just want to feel at home again and fall asleep comfortable and feeling safe again. It's like I'm on high alert 24/7 and when I'm not on high alert I'm just barely here.
I was told about a month ago I deal with dpdr. For the most part I've gotten use to how it feels the out of body the unfamiliar feeling with myself and my surroundings. But for over a few weeks I can't seem to be on any type of normal schedule. I have some days were all I want to do is sleep then I have other days where I can't sleep at all even if I try.
I started therapy a couple weeks ago and this seems to get worse after therapy.
I have a bad fear of going insane or dying so it doesn't help when I feel completely lost. I have absolutely no sense of self. I have no schedule everyday is something different if it's not someone arguing in the household it's something going on with the other side of my family. I get a more intense feeling that I'm not here and that I don't care. I'm constantly exhausted physically and when I do try to sleep I wake up in a panic or I jump back up wide awake my body has been becoming numb physically. Things don't seem to make sense. People are starting to look odd to me.I stay in my room at all times I avoid getting up and going anywhere because I feel like physically I'm not here or if I do I'm scared I'll faint. My vision has been getting blurry and thing will look blurred like there is smoke around it even people have this odd look like there is a film or something over them.
I was doing the same thing everyday wake up search my symptoms go to sleep and repeat all day for over a month that's been my routine. Now that I'm in therapy I stay in my room for the most part until the day of therapy and the day of I get up go to therapy and walk around the house. This makes me feel better in the moment but then usually get tired and run back to my room to sleep and when I wake up I'm in this weird place like I'm in amazement that I walked around for a day which leads me in this weird place that I don't understand what's goin on or why it's happening, then the thoughts begin that I'm losing my mind or how weird everything looks.
Even the smallest thing disrupting my routine of laying in bed and not seeing anyone until the evening seems to put me in this odd mental state like nothing makes sense. I also have no feeling of time or what it really even is. But I know my usual routine sleep all day stay up all night doing searches on what could be wrong with me then do it again.
The last few days I haven't had that. 3 days ago I decided to walk out to the living room because I've been frustrated with myself and decided enough was enough, that's when I felt weird but I decided to push through it. The sleeping was also thrown off I decided to stay up all day and sleep at night which didn't work I slept a few hours and woke up at 3 am I panicked and kept pushing through and stayed up for over 24 hours I slept that night but everything felt weird yet comfortable the next day.
The day I had therapy though turned into a very odd mental state I stayed up talked with the family cleaned did things way out of routine to push myself then I crashed and slept a few hours. When I woke up I had a phone call about a family emergency and stayed up all night dealing with it but in between the phone calls I was goin into a weird place, everything was off - I usually spend my nights alone in a quiet place relaxed dealing with my own thoughts by myself but I couldn't do that and felt like one wrong thing and I'd be gone forever mentally. Soon enough the sun came up and by this time I'd usually be getting ready to fall asleep or at least lay there until I finally do with no interruptions but this morning I was still dealing with the family emergency and can't sleep. A family member came in my room which never happens I'm usually alone until the evening because that's just how my schedule has been and a few minutes later a friend of mine is knocking at the door all while I'm still dealing with the back and forth calls about the emergency.
I know it's a lot and probably makes no sense. Alll I want to know is am I losing my mind. Is there something I could do or change to fix these feelings or thoughts physically and mentally? I just want answers!!! I just want to feel at home again and fall asleep comfortable and feeling safe again. It's like I'm on high alert 24/7 and when I'm not on high alert I'm just barely here.
Last edited by a moderator: