NoWhereKnowWhere
MyPTSD Pro
So I recently had quite a bad depressive episode. Quite suicidal and unsafe feeling. I had gotten quite bad went to the doctor was referred to CPN(community psychiatric nurse) for evaluation. The CPN then refers me to a psychiatrist. I’m still waiting for that appointment that was early December. The nhs is so underfunded, you know I was brutally honest about being actively suicidal. A couple of times I took diazepam double doses and went to bed just to stay alive.
So now I’m out the other side of the depression I felt quite good? Can’t believe it the episode lasted 2/3 months. Now I don’t feel depressed well not in comparison to how I had felt. Anxious as usual dreams have been bad lately again. I am really struggling with sleep atm. Famine after the depression feast. I’m scared to sleep cause of the dreams. Just the usual ptsd shit.
This is something I can’t remember from before the depressive episode. Suicidal thoughts yes ok fine I’ve been thinking of suicide for as long as I can remember it’s a maladaptive coping technique. This is different than that. This is depression suicidal without the depression? Having intrusive suicidal thoughts (don’t get me wrong a change is as good as a holiday) but the trauma intrusive thoughts are still there.
I am really having to stop myself buying things from amazon to make plans possible. I just can’t stop thinking about it. Trying to get out of my mind go for a walk. *my brain* “walk into on coming traffic”
Is this just entrenched thinking patterns from a bad depression. Like a hangover?
Like I dunno, I’m not hopeless and in the depths of despair, but I’m ready to bail on on life.
So now I’m out the other side of the depression I felt quite good? Can’t believe it the episode lasted 2/3 months. Now I don’t feel depressed well not in comparison to how I had felt. Anxious as usual dreams have been bad lately again. I am really struggling with sleep atm. Famine after the depression feast. I’m scared to sleep cause of the dreams. Just the usual ptsd shit.
This is something I can’t remember from before the depressive episode. Suicidal thoughts yes ok fine I’ve been thinking of suicide for as long as I can remember it’s a maladaptive coping technique. This is different than that. This is depression suicidal without the depression? Having intrusive suicidal thoughts (don’t get me wrong a change is as good as a holiday) but the trauma intrusive thoughts are still there.
I am really having to stop myself buying things from amazon to make plans possible. I just can’t stop thinking about it. Trying to get out of my mind go for a walk. *my brain* “walk into on coming traffic”
Is this just entrenched thinking patterns from a bad depression. Like a hangover?
Like I dunno, I’m not hopeless and in the depths of despair, but I’m ready to bail on on life.