Rose White
MyPTSD Pro
This has led to complete isolation from everyone in my life except T and my kids. I am fantastic at work and meeting the needs of my students, parents, and teachers. When I am not at work I take care to make sure I do not ever bother or burden anyone. It has become a bad habit. T says it's because I judge others and myself for reaching out. I know I don't judge my students for reaching out, I praise them. I reached out in my diary by sharing my pain and two people encouraged me to call the hotline and I did and I felt better. It wasn't wrong of me to share my pain and they helped me and I took that help, which means I can be strong and brave. This cognitive distortion makes it difficult to have a friend. I want to have a friend in my own city someday. A real friend who doesn't try to prey upon me or use me. In order to have a friend I have to do things that I would judge as a bother or burden. That means talk when I feel the need for connection. I really judge myself harshly for that. I wonder if there's a way to practice?
I think I already am planning on practicing talking. I went on Tinder today and swiped right on a bunch of people. I can practice talking with them. They want to hear me. Allow myself to resist any pressure to meet up and just see if anyone feels comfortable talking. I am nervous because I am so isolated that I know some people will be able to detect my desperation or my lack of support. But that's okay. It's important for me to practice discernment of dangerous people. I know I have fallen prey to predators in the past and I am very cautious of that now. Probably that is partly why I have isolated as much as I have. But I have to break through. I just have to.
I think I already am planning on practicing talking. I went on Tinder today and swiped right on a bunch of people. I can practice talking with them. They want to hear me. Allow myself to resist any pressure to meet up and just see if anyone feels comfortable talking. I am nervous because I am so isolated that I know some people will be able to detect my desperation or my lack of support. But that's okay. It's important for me to practice discernment of dangerous people. I know I have fallen prey to predators in the past and I am very cautious of that now. Probably that is partly why I have isolated as much as I have. But I have to break through. I just have to.