SeekingAfrica
Sponsor
I am definitely having a wave of depression coming on. The weather is nice, the situation seems like it is/might be going in better direction, slowly... but I am having super hard time keeping vertical, staying out of bed, working, cleaning...everything. Everything feels hard, everything feels like a bit task no matter how much time it takes. Tried to call the mental health center but it keeps being busy. I am on medication, which I suppose has kept me from completely falling apart. But this is in no shape good.
I find it hard to do the things that must get done, which means I don't get to do any of the optional things(working on goals) and those are the only things that can keep me going. Most things seem pointless, and I often feel like I need something to keep going. I spend too much time in bed. I work online, but in good times, that also means working in cafes or with a friend... can't do that now, and my desk is 2m from my bed. I can put a zillion alarms, but I keep missing them and I'm finding it hard to snap out of this state and wake any time before 10am .... maybe 9:30 on a good day. Half of the time I want to curl up in bed and I feel like I'm sleepwalking through my days. Some things are 'workable' hard, which means they do get done(dishes), and other ones are getting harder and harder and they do get done but not as often as usual. My work productivity is almost non-existent, everything is going so slow. I am so behind(I have flexibility to do so, but I am dragging through one project for weeks, project that would have been done in 1week otherwise. I just... how do I keep it together, or get better? Seems like this is the perfect time to be walking out in the sun, but in this state somehow it feels like torture. I also feel ashamed of how I feel which makes it hard to be outside without thinking I don't want anyone seeing me like this...
I find it hard to do the things that must get done, which means I don't get to do any of the optional things(working on goals) and those are the only things that can keep me going. Most things seem pointless, and I often feel like I need something to keep going. I spend too much time in bed. I work online, but in good times, that also means working in cafes or with a friend... can't do that now, and my desk is 2m from my bed. I can put a zillion alarms, but I keep missing them and I'm finding it hard to snap out of this state and wake any time before 10am .... maybe 9:30 on a good day. Half of the time I want to curl up in bed and I feel like I'm sleepwalking through my days. Some things are 'workable' hard, which means they do get done(dishes), and other ones are getting harder and harder and they do get done but not as often as usual. My work productivity is almost non-existent, everything is going so slow. I am so behind(I have flexibility to do so, but I am dragging through one project for weeks, project that would have been done in 1week otherwise. I just... how do I keep it together, or get better? Seems like this is the perfect time to be walking out in the sun, but in this state somehow it feels like torture. I also feel ashamed of how I feel which makes it hard to be outside without thinking I don't want anyone seeing me like this...