RussellSue
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After 6 years of of us enduring multiple levels of child abuse, my stepfather pulled the gun off of his hip, aimed it at my sister's head and pulled the trigger. She was standing right next to me and I was 7 years old. She was not hit and it's hard to say with the mix of cocaine alcohol in his system if he had meant to miss or not.
It's been 33 years since that incident. My sister and I spent another 2.5 hellish years living with that man, and as a result, both of us have CPTSD.
In the last 11 days I have heard a lot of chaos in the streets of downtown Portland, Oregon. I live less than 1,000 feet from Pioneer Courthouse Square which is certainly Portland's #1 place for protests, but this is extreme. I've woken up to sirens, flash grenades, a helicopter, yelling, stun grenades and the like almost every night since the protests started. Last night, I woke up to silence at 11:00 p.m. It was weird. I thought maybe they went home early knowing that downtown isn't usually cleared until after 1:00 in the morning. But as if by magic, stun grenades started ringing out all over downtown within about two minute of me waking up. Not shocked, I stared at the ceiling wondering if this new normal affects many people the way it affects me.
I've just got this unpeaceful and uneasy feeling all day these days. I wake up thinking people are being shot. One early morning, the police loudspeaker was telling vandals to "get out" of downtown. For about 15 minutes, I thought he'd said "get down" in a warning that gunfire might break out and strike those few who actually reside in this area of town. I was woken up for the first time by the loudspeaker and was confused. I froze in bed in terror for 15 minutes, nonetheless.
I'm jumping at every noise, it seems - loud or not. Skateboards sound a lot like flash grenades when the wheels hit the pavement. Kids skateboard across the street all the time.
Anyway, this is how the protests are affecting me. Bless those folks who are out there. I believe in what they are doing or at least what most of them are doing. But it's hard. Our next move will be out of downtown for sure but we did just sign another year lease because now is a bad time for us to move.
It's been 33 years since that incident. My sister and I spent another 2.5 hellish years living with that man, and as a result, both of us have CPTSD.
In the last 11 days I have heard a lot of chaos in the streets of downtown Portland, Oregon. I live less than 1,000 feet from Pioneer Courthouse Square which is certainly Portland's #1 place for protests, but this is extreme. I've woken up to sirens, flash grenades, a helicopter, yelling, stun grenades and the like almost every night since the protests started. Last night, I woke up to silence at 11:00 p.m. It was weird. I thought maybe they went home early knowing that downtown isn't usually cleared until after 1:00 in the morning. But as if by magic, stun grenades started ringing out all over downtown within about two minute of me waking up. Not shocked, I stared at the ceiling wondering if this new normal affects many people the way it affects me.
I've just got this unpeaceful and uneasy feeling all day these days. I wake up thinking people are being shot. One early morning, the police loudspeaker was telling vandals to "get out" of downtown. For about 15 minutes, I thought he'd said "get down" in a warning that gunfire might break out and strike those few who actually reside in this area of town. I was woken up for the first time by the loudspeaker and was confused. I froze in bed in terror for 15 minutes, nonetheless.
I'm jumping at every noise, it seems - loud or not. Skateboards sound a lot like flash grenades when the wheels hit the pavement. Kids skateboard across the street all the time.
Anyway, this is how the protests are affecting me. Bless those folks who are out there. I believe in what they are doing or at least what most of them are doing. But it's hard. Our next move will be out of downtown for sure but we did just sign another year lease because now is a bad time for us to move.