dontknowanymore
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im an 18 yr old twice exceptional girl with autism. when I was 13 I started posting comedy skits online under a random username, it was something that gave me confidence and people praised me for the skits. people assumed I had someone writing them since I was young yet the sense of humor was developed, and I was also into videography so I would do the whole thing myself and people thought it was professionally made. it was really fun and I even got interviewed by art journals at the time because of it. but it brought too much attention to me because I had a big youtube channel for it. one day this guy threatened to release my real name and address, and get my parents fired from their jobs, if I didn't send him naked photos and videos. I was scared so I did it. I didn't realize until last year that he had immediately posted the naked photos and videos, along with my real name and address all over underground pedophilia forums and that those had been out there this whole time. But in the mean time, when I was 14 a guy pretending to be a local comedian and met up with me, and sexually abused me many times and created child pornography of me. I was confused and scared so I didn't tell anyone and kept seeing him. When the guy got arrested it was a big news story where I got blamed by tens of thousand people on the internet, and people created all these massive hate campaigns against me. it was turned into a "youtuber drama" type of thing, where they released all the details of my abuse, doxxed me, and made it sound like a scandal where I had "been a bad kid" instead of a child getting raped. I was only 14 and had 30 year old male youtubers casually talking about me getting raped as if it were my fault, telling their fans to shame me, and giving out details like where I live and explicit details of my abuse as if it were just harmless discussion. After people gave all my information out I started getting stalked a lot for the next 4 years. the pain really never goes away. I've tried dozens of psych meds, EMDR, TMS, and the only thing left seems to be ECT which doesn't look promising based on the success rates. treatments have been complicated and largely unhelpful due to having cooccurring disorders, like my autism. I can't live like this
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