Hi everyone, I'm 20, I'm currently studying in Univesity, I'm emotionally burned out, I might have PTSD and/or depression and/or anxiety, my family can't afford a therapist.
*I'm not an English speaker so I'm sorry for any grammatical mistakes*
My dad used to beat my mom a lot when I was young, everything changed since we moved to the new house, he now doesn't want to disturb the neighbors. He is racist, homophobic, sexist and alcholist. My mom started to drink since 2018. They are drunk most of the times especially in the evening and during night. Even now my dad still has the imput to hit my mom and he tries to do it, but me and my sister we stop him and we use the neighbors as an excuse. They both have something against me when they are drunk, especially my father because (as a result of his being aggressive I can't be affectionate towards him) we never had a relationship, but he wants affection from me and he wants to have a relationship but he treats me horribly, he says that I don't respect him, he says that I'm stupid and that he can't bear me anymore.
I'm having a hard time at university, not because it's difficult but because I can't do it anymore, emotionally speaking because of my family situation, I find it difficult to focus and organise. But I still perform well.
Today I was happy because I've got a fantastic result but my dad out of nowhere started to shout at me in the middle of a conversation and tried to beat my mom because she was trying to push him away. I'm afraid that one day he will hit me.
I'm so sad that I can't even explain, I feel a deep pain in my chest. I'm very afraid and anxious
My two best friends know about my situation, but I don't want to tell them everything because I'm always telling sad stuff and I don't want them to feel like my therapists.
My little sister is feeling even worse than me, I try to help her and protect her but I can't do all alone.
*I'm not an English speaker so I'm sorry for any grammatical mistakes*
My dad used to beat my mom a lot when I was young, everything changed since we moved to the new house, he now doesn't want to disturb the neighbors. He is racist, homophobic, sexist and alcholist. My mom started to drink since 2018. They are drunk most of the times especially in the evening and during night. Even now my dad still has the imput to hit my mom and he tries to do it, but me and my sister we stop him and we use the neighbors as an excuse. They both have something against me when they are drunk, especially my father because (as a result of his being aggressive I can't be affectionate towards him) we never had a relationship, but he wants affection from me and he wants to have a relationship but he treats me horribly, he says that I don't respect him, he says that I'm stupid and that he can't bear me anymore.
I'm having a hard time at university, not because it's difficult but because I can't do it anymore, emotionally speaking because of my family situation, I find it difficult to focus and organise. But I still perform well.
Today I was happy because I've got a fantastic result but my dad out of nowhere started to shout at me in the middle of a conversation and tried to beat my mom because she was trying to push him away. I'm afraid that one day he will hit me.
I'm so sad that I can't even explain, I feel a deep pain in my chest. I'm very afraid and anxious
My two best friends know about my situation, but I don't want to tell them everything because I'm always telling sad stuff and I don't want them to feel like my therapists.
My little sister is feeling even worse than me, I try to help her and protect her but I can't do all alone.
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