DharmaGirl
MyPTSD Pro
I'm dealing with my abusive mother who tells me that I change around everything to make it fit my thoughts. I am always kind of shocked and confused, and then thinking on it - how do I know I don't do that? We all have perceptions of what happened and people see different things, but I question the fact that my perception is close to reality. I know I don't come screaming at her when she is minding her own business so there is that, but every time she does it to me, she has a "reason". I'm a blood sucking failure. I am disabled with PTSD, got my SSDI in 4 months. I never act like I'm disabled even though I am because that's not acceptable. She corrected me every time I said I was disabled by saying I was retired. Goddess forbid I have a mental illness. Especially one caused by complex trauma. So how do you know it is them twisting the truth, or you, or both?
The last time I had to go to ER in Feb. because I was suicidal, they believed every word I said. They said I had PTSD from complex trauma, and I moved in with my mom and was suicidal. What's the common denominator? Her. I don't know if that's enough to not feel like there was something I could have, or can do. Why does she get so intense when she is screaming at me? Then of course there's the stuff about my moving her stuff. I have never been diagnosed with DID, nor do I think I have it, but what if I did and that's what happened and why I don't remember it? I am just tired of questioning myself all the time and trying to see where I'm messing up so badly. It's like a worm digging in my brain. Ugh.
The last time I had to go to ER in Feb. because I was suicidal, they believed every word I said. They said I had PTSD from complex trauma, and I moved in with my mom and was suicidal. What's the common denominator? Her. I don't know if that's enough to not feel like there was something I could have, or can do. Why does she get so intense when she is screaming at me? Then of course there's the stuff about my moving her stuff. I have never been diagnosed with DID, nor do I think I have it, but what if I did and that's what happened and why I don't remember it? I am just tired of questioning myself all the time and trying to see where I'm messing up so badly. It's like a worm digging in my brain. Ugh.