somerandomguy
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Has anyone had any success with learning to be present during partner sex or solo sex? How did you do it?
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Perhaps you can work on this.But I'm afraid about what will happen if they're not there.
That sounds a really good idea to take the pressure off. And it's just off the table for now, rather than for ever, so is there a way of making you feel less horrible about the situation? It's working towards it at a time that is better for you both?The pressure to achieve and maintain an erection is so immense that I can't do it. So we've taken that off the table, which makes me feel horrible since I know my partner likes intercourse more than anything else sexually
It sounds as though this is something you don't want to (have to) do? Because lots of people prob have fantasties in their heads (do they? I do.). Is it the 'having' to have a fantasy that needs worked on?- I have to go to a fantasy in my head.
I haven't thought about it like this. Hmmmm.It's working towards it at a time that is better for you both?
I really do not like my fantasies at all since they are all about the same abuse-related thing every time.It sounds as though this is something you don't want to (have to) do? Because lots of people prob have fantasties in their heads (do they? I do.).
This also hit home with me - I usually masturbate not because I want to, but because I feel like I have to. So that's something else to work on, I guess.So so so so so many times have sex/solo sex because of other reasons like: it's on offer so i should (the main reason); or I want to prove that I can; or I am experimenting about whether I will cry or not.
Its really difficult.The pressure to achieve and maintain an erection is so immense that I can't do it. So we've taken that off the table, which makes me feel horrible since I know my partner likes intercourse more than anything else sexually.
But I don't know how much that has to to with the topic. Even if I'm just lying there and my partner is working on me, I can't just enjoy the feelings - I have to go to a fantasy in my head. Even if I'm just masturbating, I can't just let myself feel good - I have to go into my fantasy world. If I don't, no erection and no orgasm.
I guess erection and orgasm might be too important to me. But I'm afraid about what will happen if they're not there.
Yes, I guess not in moderation. I feel like what I do is not in moderation though. I feel compelled to fantasize and would really like to be able to stay present some of the time.if you need to fantasise, then is staying fully present truly desirable?
disassociation in itself isn’t dreadful or wrong, after all?
i'd agree with this. i'm assuming that i'm honestly just built different or whatever, but erections and orgasm are not even really part of my sexual repetoire. and i still have sex. a lot of it! lol. so, you know, it's-it's variable it really is, everyone has a different sexual experience, because sex isn't actually about any of those things.Reading your post, I felt you were judging and being hard on yourself. I felt you were comparing yourself to others whom of course we will never know for sure how they keep up their own erections.
It's our old friend hyper-vigilance and his best buddy hyper-arousal. You are not alone.This also hit home with me - I usually masturbate not because I want to, but because I feel like I have to. So that's something else to work on, I guess.