I have recently been struggling with suicidal ideation. Everyday for the past few months. I might randomly have a great day, but overall I've been in a constant state of depression/self sabotage/ suicidal ideation.
Today I sat down wrote out what I imagined the lives of my loved ones would be like 5 yrs after I'm gone.
I went through all of my siblings (9) and my friends.
The person whose live would change the most is my fiancé. But to be quite frank I think that every aspect of his life would improve.
I am bad with money, I don't eat well, I don't have a career because I got so bored in college, I'm not great at cooking or cleaning, and I don't work out.
We have been together for over 7 yrs. Since we were 17/18. I know that at this point he is with me because of our shared history and not who I am today.
I imagined everything about his hypothetical life.
He would meet someone. They wouldn't date for long because he would just "know". They would get married and have 2 children.
She would probably have a degree in marketing or business (something to complement what he does). She would be beautiful and smart. She would like to stay active and get along great with his friends. She would not be socially awkward.
They would agree on everything politically and socially.
He would live near his parents and they would live a life similar to his parents and grandparents.
I can not think of a single reason that would not happen for him if I was out of his life.
Today I sat down wrote out what I imagined the lives of my loved ones would be like 5 yrs after I'm gone.
I went through all of my siblings (9) and my friends.
The person whose live would change the most is my fiancé. But to be quite frank I think that every aspect of his life would improve.
I am bad with money, I don't eat well, I don't have a career because I got so bored in college, I'm not great at cooking or cleaning, and I don't work out.
We have been together for over 7 yrs. Since we were 17/18. I know that at this point he is with me because of our shared history and not who I am today.
I imagined everything about his hypothetical life.
He would meet someone. They wouldn't date for long because he would just "know". They would get married and have 2 children.
She would probably have a degree in marketing or business (something to complement what he does). She would be beautiful and smart. She would like to stay active and get along great with his friends. She would not be socially awkward.
They would agree on everything politically and socially.
He would live near his parents and they would live a life similar to his parents and grandparents.
I can not think of a single reason that would not happen for him if I was out of his life.