AliVike2022
New Here
Hello Everyone,
I don’t know if I’m in the right place and just feel I need to put this out there in the hope someone understands and can empathise with how I’m feeling. I was diagnosed with OCD at 19 (I am now 43) and have been on medication daily since that time.
My OCD has always been fairly quiet and manageable, however, over one month ago now I experienced an event that has completely changed everything and has made me fearful, constantly tearful and feeling unsafe.
My issue is: is that I don’t know whether what happened qualifies as “trauma” (it has certainly traumatised me) or if I’m being ridiculous. I live in a ground floor flat and the person above me was being evicted due to anti-social behaviour. The night before their eviction they and a group of friends (all younger males and I am a woman living alone) decided to target my flat by banging on all the outside walls and my ceiling, trying to scratch stuff on my door and they did this every hour from midnight until 4am. The police came twice and spoke with them the final time at 4am. I packed some clothes and my cat and fled to my parents for over week (they live one hundred miles away) after the police had left. I stayed with my parents for a week but kept reliving the feelings of being unsafe and at risk of attack or even death.
I have since returned to my flat and I am hyper alert to any noises outside my flat (my flat faces a busy main road so there’s always noise) and sometimes I perceive noises that aren’t there. Its getting to a point now where I burst in to tears and feel highly agitated as soon as open my front door after work. I have also started sleeping in my clothes and in the living room (I was in my bed when the neighbour and his friends started banging my walls, doors and ceilings, cracking three of the latter) in case I need to “escape” and drive someplace else.
I have spoken to family and friends about this who tell me it’s my OCD or that I’m making a big deal out of it and that it will pass – they don’t know how anxious I get when in the house or that I am sleeping fully clothed for my “escape”. I have also tried to keep lights off so that anyone on the street outside will think I’m out. I have tried to find alternative places to rent and even asked my parents if I could return home. As soon as I leave the house for work in the morning, I am already fretting about going home later that day. I check the weather reports to see if it will be sunny over the weekend which my mind has rationalised that’s when people will more likely be out in the town drinking and could bang on my door or try to access my property. It is a holiday weekend this weekend and my anxiety is sky high. Another person has moved in above me and although she seems nice, I am terrified she will also start attacking my flat. The slightest noise any time of the day or night makes me super jumpy and also scared.
I feel like I can’t be at peace and that I won’t ever feel relaxed or smile again. I have avoided going to town without a friend or my partner (who lives away) as I fear someone or my previous neighbour and his friends attacking me. I do not know what is happening to me.
I don’t know if I’m in the right place and just feel I need to put this out there in the hope someone understands and can empathise with how I’m feeling. I was diagnosed with OCD at 19 (I am now 43) and have been on medication daily since that time.
My OCD has always been fairly quiet and manageable, however, over one month ago now I experienced an event that has completely changed everything and has made me fearful, constantly tearful and feeling unsafe.
My issue is: is that I don’t know whether what happened qualifies as “trauma” (it has certainly traumatised me) or if I’m being ridiculous. I live in a ground floor flat and the person above me was being evicted due to anti-social behaviour. The night before their eviction they and a group of friends (all younger males and I am a woman living alone) decided to target my flat by banging on all the outside walls and my ceiling, trying to scratch stuff on my door and they did this every hour from midnight until 4am. The police came twice and spoke with them the final time at 4am. I packed some clothes and my cat and fled to my parents for over week (they live one hundred miles away) after the police had left. I stayed with my parents for a week but kept reliving the feelings of being unsafe and at risk of attack or even death.
I have since returned to my flat and I am hyper alert to any noises outside my flat (my flat faces a busy main road so there’s always noise) and sometimes I perceive noises that aren’t there. Its getting to a point now where I burst in to tears and feel highly agitated as soon as open my front door after work. I have also started sleeping in my clothes and in the living room (I was in my bed when the neighbour and his friends started banging my walls, doors and ceilings, cracking three of the latter) in case I need to “escape” and drive someplace else.
I have spoken to family and friends about this who tell me it’s my OCD or that I’m making a big deal out of it and that it will pass – they don’t know how anxious I get when in the house or that I am sleeping fully clothed for my “escape”. I have also tried to keep lights off so that anyone on the street outside will think I’m out. I have tried to find alternative places to rent and even asked my parents if I could return home. As soon as I leave the house for work in the morning, I am already fretting about going home later that day. I check the weather reports to see if it will be sunny over the weekend which my mind has rationalised that’s when people will more likely be out in the town drinking and could bang on my door or try to access my property. It is a holiday weekend this weekend and my anxiety is sky high. Another person has moved in above me and although she seems nice, I am terrified she will also start attacking my flat. The slightest noise any time of the day or night makes me super jumpy and also scared.
I feel like I can’t be at peace and that I won’t ever feel relaxed or smile again. I have avoided going to town without a friend or my partner (who lives away) as I fear someone or my previous neighbour and his friends attacking me. I do not know what is happening to me.
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