couragetogrow
Learning
Interested to hear how others distinguish between love in their hearts and action. This is somewhat related to my last post.
Beginning to wonder if my not being able to separate the two is what's contributing to my confusion/guilt...and resentment and I realize resentment hurts me and indirectly others which is not my intention.
Example: a loved one makes a criminal offense...i understand why, empathize, forgive them but the matter at hand still needs to be addressed. The criminal might argue that justice served is not loving because they had x, y, z excuse to perform criminal action...i feel guilt. this explains how i felt when i called the police on my brother to protect my life.
Example 2: I don't talk to my parents because it contributes negatively to my mental health..i don't have the bandwidth to engage with them w/o at some point losing my grip on reality...i've tried to prove myself wrong...kept happening and in the worst case my physical safety was at risk. I forgive them, want the best for them, try to understand, but can't and in their eyes I hate them.
The thing is - I get why they would feel this way. The action doesn't seem to line up with the claim. It's like I get a cognitive dissonance around this to where I start to question if I even know how to relate effectively, which is not helpful in any part of my life...second-guessing my behavior is like professional suicide in my career field.
Working w/my therapist on this. She thinks I take too much of others' responsibility on me, but I can't unsee the other's side. I realize that this pro-enabling bad behavior bias is part of how I was raised to think...to excuse the dysfunctional behavior of my parents that was giving them so much gratification...but I can't seem to separate loving action for myself in extreme situations w/o feeling like I'm throwing the other into a lion's den or an abyss.
Would love to hear if anyone's felt similar and how they've managed w/o internalizing feeling like a shitty person.
Thanks for reading.
Beginning to wonder if my not being able to separate the two is what's contributing to my confusion/guilt...and resentment and I realize resentment hurts me and indirectly others which is not my intention.
Example: a loved one makes a criminal offense...i understand why, empathize, forgive them but the matter at hand still needs to be addressed. The criminal might argue that justice served is not loving because they had x, y, z excuse to perform criminal action...i feel guilt. this explains how i felt when i called the police on my brother to protect my life.
Example 2: I don't talk to my parents because it contributes negatively to my mental health..i don't have the bandwidth to engage with them w/o at some point losing my grip on reality...i've tried to prove myself wrong...kept happening and in the worst case my physical safety was at risk. I forgive them, want the best for them, try to understand, but can't and in their eyes I hate them.
The thing is - I get why they would feel this way. The action doesn't seem to line up with the claim. It's like I get a cognitive dissonance around this to where I start to question if I even know how to relate effectively, which is not helpful in any part of my life...second-guessing my behavior is like professional suicide in my career field.
Working w/my therapist on this. She thinks I take too much of others' responsibility on me, but I can't unsee the other's side. I realize that this pro-enabling bad behavior bias is part of how I was raised to think...to excuse the dysfunctional behavior of my parents that was giving them so much gratification...but I can't seem to separate loving action for myself in extreme situations w/o feeling like I'm throwing the other into a lion's den or an abyss.
Would love to hear if anyone's felt similar and how they've managed w/o internalizing feeling like a shitty person.
Thanks for reading.