So, I'm moving house soon.
Not really of my own choosing (but partly so).
I don't know how soon I'll be moving, or where, just that I need to leave the current housing situation.
I *may* have a rental option close to where I currently live - it's a nice place and the rent is cheap - so I should be thrilled about the possibility, but I'm so dysregulated from having to move and not knowing how/ where, that anything that's less than a 100% certainty is driving me nuts.
There are going to be soooo many hurdles in moving, so many stressors and uncertainties to face and I don't feel up to it one bit. I've been going through a massive episode of depression the last few years and much of that time, the only reason I haven't been inpatient has been because of my pets.
The survival-stress of having to find safe, affordable housing has certainly raised my adrenaline levels, so that's managing to cut through the symptoms of depression, a fair amount.
And I've felt so STUCK in my current housing for ages now - and it's a large part of what's contributed to my depression - so there's an element of relief there too, hoping that some of the depression will just evaporate, by having and end put to the current housing situation.
But I'm dysregulated as f*ck and only getting brief pockets of calm amongst the madness and my brain is definetly in survival mode - it's picking out random stuff to focus on and ignoring everything else. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage months of this level of dysregulation.
I guess I need to start making an excel spreadsheet of all the tasks that need doing.
We've got 3 real-estate agents coming to look at the current house next week, so I'm currently focused on that.
And I need to work out how to mentally make this a marathon... not a sprint... I need the adrenaline levels to simmer down a bit, so they get me through the long haul.
And I need to work out how to give this move some *meaning*.
Right now, all I see is that I'm forced to move house because the current housing situation is untenable. That feels so negative. Like I'm just trying to fix a problem.
I need to find some meaning for this move that makes it personal... Need to find a way of making it part of my story.
And I need to forgive myself for all the messy, dysregulated things I'm going to be doing along the way.
As long as I make it through the next few months and get my stuff moved, look after the animals and hopefully not lose my job in the process... then things'll somehow turn out okay...
Not really of my own choosing (but partly so).
I don't know how soon I'll be moving, or where, just that I need to leave the current housing situation.
I *may* have a rental option close to where I currently live - it's a nice place and the rent is cheap - so I should be thrilled about the possibility, but I'm so dysregulated from having to move and not knowing how/ where, that anything that's less than a 100% certainty is driving me nuts.
There are going to be soooo many hurdles in moving, so many stressors and uncertainties to face and I don't feel up to it one bit. I've been going through a massive episode of depression the last few years and much of that time, the only reason I haven't been inpatient has been because of my pets.
The survival-stress of having to find safe, affordable housing has certainly raised my adrenaline levels, so that's managing to cut through the symptoms of depression, a fair amount.
And I've felt so STUCK in my current housing for ages now - and it's a large part of what's contributed to my depression - so there's an element of relief there too, hoping that some of the depression will just evaporate, by having and end put to the current housing situation.
But I'm dysregulated as f*ck and only getting brief pockets of calm amongst the madness and my brain is definetly in survival mode - it's picking out random stuff to focus on and ignoring everything else. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage months of this level of dysregulation.
I guess I need to start making an excel spreadsheet of all the tasks that need doing.
We've got 3 real-estate agents coming to look at the current house next week, so I'm currently focused on that.
And I need to work out how to mentally make this a marathon... not a sprint... I need the adrenaline levels to simmer down a bit, so they get me through the long haul.
And I need to work out how to give this move some *meaning*.
Right now, all I see is that I'm forced to move house because the current housing situation is untenable. That feels so negative. Like I'm just trying to fix a problem.
I need to find some meaning for this move that makes it personal... Need to find a way of making it part of my story.
And I need to forgive myself for all the messy, dysregulated things I'm going to be doing along the way.
As long as I make it through the next few months and get my stuff moved, look after the animals and hopefully not lose my job in the process... then things'll somehow turn out okay...