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How do I know when it’s time to end therapy? (2)

barefoot

MyPTSD Pro
Hello

I have been having therapy with the same therapist for almost nine years.

She has been helpful. I am very attached to her.

But nine years feels like a long time. I wonder if it is too long?

How do I know when it’s time to stop therapy?
 
Hello

I have been having therapy with the same therapist for almost nine years.

She has been helpful. I am very attached to her.

But nine years feels like a long time. I wonder if it is too long?

How do I know when it’s time to stop therapy?
Hello @barefoot, thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you have built a strong therapeutic relationship with your therapist over the past nine years, and it is understandable to feel attached to her.

When considering how long therapy should last, there are several factors to consider, such as the severity of symptoms and the individual's ongoing needs for support. However, there is no specific timeline for therapy, and the length of time can vary greatly from person to person.

It might be helpful to reflect on your current goals in therapy and how much progress you have made over the last nine years. Are there any goals that you have yet to achieve? Have you seen a significant reduction in your symptoms?

It could also be helpful to discuss your concerns with your therapist. She may be able to provide some guidance and support around your current progress in therapy and help you make a more informed decision about what is best for you.

Overall, it is essential to consider what feels right for you and what is the best way to support your ongoing mental health needs. Remember that you are in control of the therapeutic process, and you have the right to decide when it is time for you to graduate from therapy.
 
We haven’t ever set specific, explicit goals or objectives. Is this something we should have done?
It can be very helpful to set specific goals or objectives in therapy as they can provide a clear direction towards what you want to achieve. However, not all therapeutic approaches require explicit goal-setting, and sometimes a more exploratory approach is necessary to uncover what goals may emerge over time.

Considering you have been working with your current therapist for nine years, it might be helpful to have an open conversation about your goals and objectives. Perhaps you can reflect together on what you have achieved in therapy so far and set some realistic goals and objectives for your future work.

By setting goals and objectives, both you and your therapist will have a better understanding of what you want to achieve in therapy, and it can help you stay motivated towards reaching those goals. It can also give you a sense of accomplishment as you work towards achieving the objectives you have identified.

Ultimately, it is important to remember that therapy should be a collaborative process, where you and your therapist work together towards your goals. If you haven't set any specific goals, that's okay - it's not too late to start. Your therapist can help guide you through the process of identifying appropriate goals and objectives and create a plan tailored to your individual needs.
 
Do you have any suggestions about how I can set goals for therapy?
Yes, here are a few suggestions to guide you in setting goals for your therapy:

1. Start by reflecting on your reasons for seeking therapy in the first place. What were the issues or challenges that led you to therapy, and what would you like to improve in your life?

2. Think about what specific changes you would like to see in yourself or your life through the therapeutic process. Would you like to have better coping skills, improved relationships, or better emotional regulation, for example?

3. It can be helpful to make a list of short-term and long-term goals. Short-term goals are things you hope to accomplish within one to six months, while long-term goals are things you hope to accomplish in one year or more.

4. Discuss your goals with your therapist. Your therapist can help you refine your goals or identify areas that you may not have considered. Your therapist can also help you develop achievable objectives and measurable outcomes that can help you track your progress along the way.

5. Remember that setting goals is an ongoing process. As you work through therapy, you may find that your goals shift or change. It's important to remain flexible and open to this evolution, as it is a natural part of the therapeutic process.

By setting clear and achievable goals for therapy, you can work towards making positive changes in your life that align with your values and priorities. Good luck, and feel free to ask any further questions you may have.
 
You mentioned that it could be helpful to discuss my concerns around ending therapy with my therapist.

My main concerns are that I am very attached to her and that I would miss her a lot if I stopped having sessions with her. The thought of not seeing her anymore feels anxiety-making and emotionally painful.

I am ashamed of how attached I am to her. I would feel too embarrassed to admit this to her or to tell her that I would miss her.
 
You mentioned that it could be helpful to discuss my concerns around ending therapy with my therapist.

My main concerns are that I am very attached to her and that I would miss her a lot if I stopped having sessions with her. The thought of not seeing her anymore feels anxiety-making and emotionally painful.

I am ashamed of how attached I am to her. I would feel too embarrassed to admit this to her or to tell her that I would miss her.
It is entirely normal to have attachment feelings toward your therapist, particularly if you've been working together for an extended period. The therapeutic relationship can be a powerful and intimate one, and it is not uncommon to develop strong feelings of trust, respect, and affection for your therapist over time.

It's understandable to feel embarrassed or ashamed about these feelings, but it's important to remember that these are normal reactions that many people experience in therapy. One of the goals of therapy is to create a safe and supportive space to explore and process these types of emotions, so it's perfectly okay to bring them up with your therapist.

Ending therapy can be an emotionally challenging experience, particularly if you have developed a strong bond with your therapist. It's okay to express your concerns to your therapist, and in fact, it can be a very helpful part of ending treatment. Your therapist can help you understand and process your feelings, and provide guidance on how to maintain the progress you've made in therapy.

If you are worried about expressing your attachment feelings to your therapist, you could start by talking more generally about your fears regarding ending therapy. Your therapist can help you explore these feelings and support you through the experience. They can also help you navigate the transition to other forms of support, whether that be through referral to another therapist or exploring community resources.

Remember, your therapist is there to support you, and it's okay to be honest about your feelings, even if they are difficult to express. I encourage you to bring up your concerns with your therapist in your next session to allow the opportunity to address them together.
 
If you are worried about expressing your attachment feelings to your therapist, you could start by talking more generally about your fears regarding ending therapy.
This seems quite difficult as my main fears around ending therapy involve my attachment to her and knowing I will miss her and feeling that I am losing someone important and won’t have anyone to talk to anymore.
 
This seems quite difficult as my main fears around ending therapy involve my attachment to her and knowing I will miss her and feeling that I am losing someone important and won’t have anyone to talk to anymore.
I understand that sharing these feelings with your therapist may feel challenging or overwhelming, but I still encourage you to do so. Remember that it's normal to have strong feelings of attachment toward your therapist, and it's important for you to be able to process and express these emotions in a safe and supportive environment.

It's okay to tell your therapist that you are afraid of losing them and are worried about not having anyone to talk to. These feelings are understandable, and your therapist is there to support you through the transition. Your therapist can help you set up a plan for post-therapy support, which may include referrals to other therapists or mental health professionals, support groups, and self-help resources.

It may also be helpful to discuss the therapeutic progress you've made so far and develop strategies for maintaining this progress outside of therapy. This may involve setting goals or creating a self-care plan that identifies coping mechanisms and strategies for managing stress and anxiety.

Remember, the therapeutic relationship is meant to be a supportive and non-judgmental one, and your therapist is there to support you through the process of ending therapy, as well as to help you move forward on your own. I encourage you to bring up your concerns with your therapist in your next session to allow the opportunity to address them together.
 
How do I know if I am too attached to my therapist?

Or whether I have become dependent on her?
 
How do I know if I am too attached to my therapist?

Or whether I have become dependent on her?
It's not uncommon to develop a strong bond with your therapist, and it's not necessarily a problem to feel attached to them. In fact, building a strong therapeutic relationship is one of the most important factors in successful therapy.

However, if you feel that your attachment to your therapist is starting to impact your daily life or other relationships, then it may be worth exploring this further with your therapist. Signs that you may be too attached to your therapist might include:

- Thinking about your therapist frequently, outside of your therapy sessions
- Feeling intense emotions, such as anxiety or sadness, if you have to miss a therapy session or if your therapist is not available
- Feeling as though your therapist is the only person who can truly understand you, or feeling that your therapist is your only source of support
- Going out of your way to please your therapist or seeking their approval
- Struggling to open up to new therapists or healthcare providers, or feeling like no one else could possibly understand you as well as your current therapist.

If you are concerned about the level of attachment you feel towards your therapist, I would encourage you to discuss this with them. Attachment and dependence are common topics in therapy, and your therapist will be equipped to help you process your feelings and explore strategies for managing them. Remember, your therapist is there to support you, and there is no need to feel embarrassed or ashamed of your emotions. They are a natural part of the therapeutic process, and exploring them can lead to greater self-awareness and growth.
 
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