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Feeling hopeless about my depression

It's common for people to struggle with a sense of hopelessness or helplessness following a significant loss, especially if the loss feels particularly overwhelming or if it has disrupted their sense of identity or purpose.
I'd like to come back to this for a moment.

When I went through a significant loss a few years ago, I tried voicing to the people in my life that this loss had profoundly disrupted my sense of identity and purpose. I don't think the people in my life were really familiar with this concept. I don't think I was consciously aware that it's a common effect of profound loss, either. So, I think what happened is that both the people in my life and I, myself, have been invalidating this matter. Both the people in my life and I, myself, have been telling myself that this loss "shouldn't" have caused a profound disruption to my sense of identity and purpose. I've been living with this "shouldn't" and also living with the fact that it DID profoundly disrupt my sense of identity and purpose.
 
I'd like to come back to this for a moment.

When I went through a significant loss a few years ago, I tried voicing to the people in my life that this loss had profoundly disrupted my sense of identity and purpose. I don't think the people in my life were really familiar with this concept. I don't think I was consciously aware that it's a common effect of profound loss, either. So, I think what happened is that both the people in my life and I, myself, have been invalidating this matter. Both the people in my life and I, myself, have been telling myself that this loss "shouldn't" have caused a profound disruption to my sense of identity and purpose. I've been living with this "shouldn't" and also living with the fact that it DID profoundly disrupt my sense of identity and purpose.
It is not uncommon for people to struggle with recognizing and processing the emotional and psychological impact of significant losses, particularly when they disrupt one's sense of identity and purpose. It is also common for people in our lives to struggle to understand the depth of the impact that such losses can have on us, simply because they may not have experienced similar losses themselves or may not have a strong understanding of grief and its effects.

Invalidation of one's emotions, thoughts, and experiences can be incredibly distressing and can compound existing feelings of loss and hopelessness. It is essential to recognize one's emotions and validate them as normal and valid, regardless of what those emotions are. It can be helpful to share these experiences with a therapist or trusted friend who may better understand what you're going through.

Further, it is essential to practice self-compassion, allowing yourself grace and patience as you navigate such significant life changes. Remember that grief is a natural and expected process and that there is no timeline or "shoulds" in how one experiences or processes it. Everyone's journey through grief is different, and it is important to honor your own unique experience.
 
So, what can I do about the fact that my sense of identity has been shattered? I no longer feel like the same person that I was for 40 years of my life previously. I also don't know who I am now or how to become a new person.

Also, my sense of purpose has been totally shattered too. Almost nothing that used to matter to me, matters to me anymore. I feel the need to fully start over and rebuild my life from scratch. I don't know how to go about it tho.

I feel like, in some strange way, having my sense of identity and purpose shattered so deeply may in some way be a deep growth opportunity. Maybe profound losses and profound shifts in our sense of identity and purpose are part of a long and varied life? I feel like this could be an opportunity for spiritual and psychological growth, but I don't know how to go about it.
 
So, what can I do about the fact that my sense of identity has been shattered? I no longer feel like the same person that I was for 40 years of my life previously. I also don't know who I am now or how to become a new person.

Also, my sense of purpose has been totally shattered too. Almost nothing that used to matter to me, matters to me anymore. I feel the need to fully start over and rebuild my life from scratch. I don't know how to go about it tho.

I feel like, in some strange way, having my sense of identity and purpose shattered so deeply may in some way be a deep growth opportunity. Maybe profound losses and profound shifts in our sense of identity and purpose are part of a long and varied life? I feel like this could be an opportunity for spiritual and psychological growth, but I don't know how to go about it.
Feeling a sense of loss of identity and purpose after a significant event in life is a natural response. I'm sorry that you're going through this challenging period, but you're right that this can be a growth opportunity for you.

One way to start the process is to allow yourself time and space to grieve and to explore the different emotions that come up. It's essential to be patient with yourself and with the process of rebuilding your sense of self.

It can also be helpful to seek professional support for your journey towards rebuilding your sense of self. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore the emotions and thoughts that come up during this process and offer insights and tools to help you cope.

Exploring who you are now and what matters to you can be an introspective journey that can be aided through activities such as journaling, meditation, or creative expression. These practices can offer you the space to examine your thoughts and feelings without judgment.

Finally, seek out new experiences and new perspectives by trying out new things or by connecting with new people in your life. Broadening your horizons and stepping out of your comfort zone can aid in discovering new parts of yourself and finding new interests.

Ultimately, it's important to be patient with yourself and to recognize that rebuilding your sense of self and purpose is an ongoing process. Allow yourself space and time to explore and grow and be open to the changes that may come. With time and effort, you will be able to create a new sense of self and purpose that is authentic to who you are now.
 
It's so strange. For the last few years, ever since this loss happened, people have been telling me that I'm "crazy" for feeling such a profound loss of sense of identity and purpose. They've been telling me that I "shouldn't" feel that way. I'm not sure if that's because they were scared of the intensity of my grief and wanted it to go away, or whether it's because they've never experienced that total loss of identity and purpose after a profound loss. It's been making me feel like there's something wrong with me, that I'm "crazy" somehow, that I should be able to "stop" this loss of identity and purpose, that I should be able to "control" my grief, that I should be able to "get over it" and that it shouldn't be making such a mess of my life. I've felt like people are judging me and blaming me for "doing grief wrong" and that I have to somehow figure out how to "do it right". All of this has made processing my grief so much harder and has made me feel so much more cut off from my actual experience.
 
It's so strange. For the last few years, ever since this loss happened, people have been telling me that I'm "crazy" for feeling such a profound loss of sense of identity and purpose. They've been telling me that I "shouldn't" feel that way. I'm not sure if that's because they were scared of the intensity of my grief and wanted it to go away, or whether it's because they've never experienced that total loss of identity and purpose after a profound loss. It's been making me feel like there's something wrong with me, that I'm "crazy" somehow, that I should be able to "stop" this loss of identity and purpose, that I should be able to "control" my grief, that I should be able to "get over it" and that it shouldn't be making such a mess of my life. I've felt like people are judging me and blaming me for "doing grief wrong" and that I have to somehow figure out how to "do it right". All of this has made processing my grief so much harder and has made me feel so much more cut off from my actual experience.
It's unfortunate that you've been invalidated in your experiences and emotions surrounding your loss of identity and purpose. It's essential to recognize that everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way to experience grief. Every person's grief journey is unique, and the process should be respected and validated.

It can be challenging to manage other people's expectations and opinions during a grief journey. It's important to seek out support from those that understand and validate your experiences rather than those that try to minimize or invalidate them. It's helpful to connect with individuals or groups that have similar experiences and can provide empathy and understanding.

It may also be necessary to set boundaries with those in your life who are invalidating to your experiences. While it is essential to seek support and connection with others, it is equally necessary to recognize when it may not be helpful or safe to share your experiences with certain individuals.

Remember that this is your journey of grief, and it's essential to be patient and gentle with yourself. Try not to judge or invalidate your experiences. Instead, allow yourself space and patience to process and work through your emotions in a way that works for you.
 
Can you explain "complicated grief" or "prolonged grief" to me?
Certainly! Complicated grief or prolonged grief is a condition that can occur when someone is experiencing intense and persistent grief and has difficulty working through and adapting to their loss.

Typically, when someone experiences a significant loss, they will experience a variety of emotions and may have difficulty adjusting to their new reality. However, with time, the intensity of the emotions will typically lessen, and the individual will be able to adapt to their new normal.

In the case of complicated grief, the intensity of the emotions can last much longer, and the individual may have difficulty adjusting to their new reality. This type of grief is often accompanied by feelings of intense emotional pain, yearning, and longing for the lost loved one, as well as difficulties engaging in day-to-day activities, social and occupational functioning, and other symptoms such as sleep disturbances, appetite changes, and other physical symptoms.

Complicated grief can be caused by several factors, including the type and quality of the relationship with the lost loved one, the circumstances surrounding the loss, and the individual's level of support following the loss.

Treatment for complicated grief often involves talk therapy or counseling. A therapist or grief counselor can help the individual work through their emotions and develop coping strategies to manage their grief. In some cases, medication may also be used to manage symptoms such as depression or anxiety, which may be exacerbating the individual's grief.

It's essential to recognize that experiencing complicated grief is not a sign of weakness or failure. It's a complex condition that requires support and understanding to manage effectively. If you or someone you know is experiencing complicated grief or prolonged grief, it may be helpful to seek professional support to help manage this challenging experience.
 
What can a person going through prolonged grief do to overcome it, apart from seeking therapy?
Apart from seeking therapy, there are some self-help strategies that a person experiencing prolonged grief can try to overcome their grief. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Practice self-care: During the time of grief, it's critically important to take care of one's physical and mental health. This may include regular exercise, rest and sleep, a balanced diet, and practicing relaxation techniques such as meditation or mindful breathing.

2. Express yourself: It is essential to give yourself permission to express your emotions during this time of grief. Whether through writing, art, or speaking with someone you trust, finding healthy and safe ways to express your emotions can help in processing them.

3. Connect with others: Engaging in social activities such as spending time with friends and family, or seeking support from support groups or online forums can help in reducing feelings of isolation.

4. Find meaning in the loss: It can be helpful to explore ways in which the loss has meaning or purpose, such as engaging in activities that the person lost would have enjoyed or continuing their legacy through volunteering or participating in activities the lost loved one valued.

5. Allow the grief process to take its course: Grieving is a process, and it takes time. Rather than judging oneself for the time it takes to move through the process, it can be helpful to aim for self-compassion and acceptance of the grieving process.

While seeking professional support through therapy or counseling is essential, these self-help practices may aid in reducing prolonged grief's intensity and duration, allowing for a more comfortable grieving experience.
 
. Find meaning in the loss: It can be helpful to explore ways in which the loss has meaning or purpose, such as engaging in activities that the person lost would have enjoyed or continuing their legacy through volunteering or participating in activities the lost loved one valued.
Can you provide some other examples of "finding meaning in the loss" ?
 
Can you provide some other examples of "finding meaning in the loss" ?
Sure, here are a few examples of finding meaning in the loss:

1. Honoring the loved one's memory: This could include creating a memorial or tribute in their honor, such as planting a tree or dedicating a bench in a park. It could also mean participating in an event or activity that the person enjoyed while they were alive, such as attending a concert or baseball game.

2. Volunteering or advocating for a cause: Many people find a sense of purpose in working towards a cause or issue that was important to their loved one. For example, if the person who passed away was passionate about environmental protection, then volunteering for an organization that works towards this cause can provide a way to honor their memory.

3. Embracing new opportunities: Sometimes, people find that going through a loss gives them a new perspective on life or inspires them to try something they may not have considered before. This could mean taking up a new hobby or traveling to a new place that was meaningful to the person who passed away.

4. Creating a legacy: Some people find comfort in creating a legacy for their loved one, such as donating to a scholarship fund in their name or making a charitable gift to an organization that was important to them.

These are just a few examples of how finding meaning in the loss can provide a way to honor a loved one's memory and find purpose in life after a loss. It's important to remember that everyone's grieving process is unique, and finding what works best for you may take time and experimentation.
 
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