Hi, This is Rob S.
My sadness and fear levels are almost complete, so this is probably the worst time to try to Introduce myself on a PTSD forum. Or, actually, it might be the best time, come to think of it.
Most people are look like a threat to me. When I was 8 years old, a man who was a relative of mine attacked me and either knocked me out or knocked me into hysterical memory loss. He covered up his attack + my family believed him. when I was about 5, I went to a new school and was beaten by 5 kids I didnt know. I dont remember that day at all. I seem to have a lot of bad experiences, it almost reads like a cheap novel. If I felt like joking I'd put in a joke here.
I can't stop my hands from shaking-I'm nervous and scared to talk about my PTSD or other things. I used to own a small plymouth car-and ran into a deer once + knocked it down. I've had to stop for deer too many times in my car. I've had to stop for jaywalking people too much in my car. I've been in over 4 auto accidents. one of which nearly killed + nearly crippled my mom. I was harrassed a lot by kids who carried knives when I was a teenager. one kid threatened my with a deadly weapon. Trust is very hard for me. I'm over 30. I've been trying to get into comfortable therapy for the last 14 years. Several friends said I could call them when I was unhappy. I had lost 2 friends that way, and another friend is drifting in that direction as well.
Trust people? can I tell who is lying? hardly. sadly, my parents like acting + so do a lot of my sisters-so my judging who's giving me an act or a lie is really hard for me. My kidneys have problems, to add to my emotional hurts. oh gad. I feel so trapped. I feel so alone. My roomates aren't here now, so there's no one for me to talk to. I feel so sad. The people I talk to don't believe that I can be as sad + feel as vulnerable or hopeless as anyone.
People expect me to be superman + let every pain just roll off me. I'm not superman, my pains are beating the tar out of me. I was home alone when the U.S. was attcked by planes on sept. 11th 2001. I was living about 90 minutes from New York City. I had to talk to 4 of my relatives, including some sisters that day-they were calling to be sure that my Dad and I hadn't been killed in NYC that day. Including 9/11 probably sounds like a ploy to be dramatic, I didn't mean it to be. sorry. I believe I can find a therapist and beat PTSD. But is probably going to be long + hard for me. I guess it is for everyone. I feel like apologising. This problem feels so: unreal, and frightening. I feel like a jerk for unloading my feelings like this. sorry. It's just every day feels so scary, cold and alone. And a few friends of mine have walked away from me. I feel so sad. It is so hard to believe that things will work out on days that are scary and lonely.
Talk to You Later, Rob S.
My sadness and fear levels are almost complete, so this is probably the worst time to try to Introduce myself on a PTSD forum. Or, actually, it might be the best time, come to think of it.
Most people are look like a threat to me. When I was 8 years old, a man who was a relative of mine attacked me and either knocked me out or knocked me into hysterical memory loss. He covered up his attack + my family believed him. when I was about 5, I went to a new school and was beaten by 5 kids I didnt know. I dont remember that day at all. I seem to have a lot of bad experiences, it almost reads like a cheap novel. If I felt like joking I'd put in a joke here.
I can't stop my hands from shaking-I'm nervous and scared to talk about my PTSD or other things. I used to own a small plymouth car-and ran into a deer once + knocked it down. I've had to stop for deer too many times in my car. I've had to stop for jaywalking people too much in my car. I've been in over 4 auto accidents. one of which nearly killed + nearly crippled my mom. I was harrassed a lot by kids who carried knives when I was a teenager. one kid threatened my with a deadly weapon. Trust is very hard for me. I'm over 30. I've been trying to get into comfortable therapy for the last 14 years. Several friends said I could call them when I was unhappy. I had lost 2 friends that way, and another friend is drifting in that direction as well.
Trust people? can I tell who is lying? hardly. sadly, my parents like acting + so do a lot of my sisters-so my judging who's giving me an act or a lie is really hard for me. My kidneys have problems, to add to my emotional hurts. oh gad. I feel so trapped. I feel so alone. My roomates aren't here now, so there's no one for me to talk to. I feel so sad. The people I talk to don't believe that I can be as sad + feel as vulnerable or hopeless as anyone.
People expect me to be superman + let every pain just roll off me. I'm not superman, my pains are beating the tar out of me. I was home alone when the U.S. was attcked by planes on sept. 11th 2001. I was living about 90 minutes from New York City. I had to talk to 4 of my relatives, including some sisters that day-they were calling to be sure that my Dad and I hadn't been killed in NYC that day. Including 9/11 probably sounds like a ploy to be dramatic, I didn't mean it to be. sorry. I believe I can find a therapist and beat PTSD. But is probably going to be long + hard for me. I guess it is for everyone. I feel like apologising. This problem feels so: unreal, and frightening. I feel like a jerk for unloading my feelings like this. sorry. It's just every day feels so scary, cold and alone. And a few friends of mine have walked away from me. I feel so sad. It is so hard to believe that things will work out on days that are scary and lonely.
Talk to You Later, Rob S.