Helping Myself Vs Right/ Wrong Thinking

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I have a HUGE issue with right and wrong. It works two ways. One is that I feel there is a right and a wrong way to do everything. That leads to the second one which is that I always want to do what is right and never what is wrong. Intellectually I know that some of the things I struggle with the "right" and the "wrong" of have no right or wrong, but that just makes it worse.

In therapy I have been struggling a lot because although I have a few coping skills, I really don't have many. The one that gets me through most situations is the fear of doing the wrong thing. That just makes things worse later on though so it's not always helpful.

Recently, I got two books to help me. I was really excited and thought I was definitely going to find some help. My therapist was very supportive of my choices. The problem is when it came to doing the exercises/worksheets/practices in one book, I got stuck. (I haven't gotten that far in the other.) I thought at first that I was just overwhelmed by where to start. Then, I thought I was afraid to start with the "wrong" one. I brought the book to my therapist today and she helped me figure out which areas might be the best to focus on first. She also said it was perfectly fine for me to start with the first one and keep moving- choosing what to focus on by what seemed helpful to me.

Then, I slipped away in to a dissociative state. Now as I have had time to reflect I realize the problem is much more complicated. I realized that I don't know where to start because if I start trying to change my thinking or learning coping strategies, that must mean that my current thinking is wrong. I've had similar thoughts before and then it seems like I am stuck going in circles. It's very frustrating.

 

[WillyKat]

That right / wrong paralysis (sometimes called analysis paralysis), I think, may be related two wherever the PTSD came from. In other words, black / white with no shades of gray thinking may be linked somehow to your trauma. That is, it may be a type of freezing.

Making decisions isn't easy, especially big ones. Consider the idea that where you start in terms of your healing may not be one of the big ones. Sure its important and it shouldn't be minimized, but I think its just important to start somewhere. Any choice you make on where to start is healthy and it doesn't have to be *the* right one.

Hope that makes sense.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

That right / wrong paralysis (sometimes called analysis paralysis), I think, may be related two wherever the PTSD came from. In other words, black / white with no shades of gray thinking may be linked somehow to your trauma. That is, it may be a type of freezing.

It is completely related to one of my traumas. I never thought of it as a type of freezing, but that seems obvious since it does paralyze me and prevent me from making any decision. It's definitely important to start somewhere and I will try, but I hope I can get past the thoughts of the reason I am doing this is because my thinking is wrong because that just throws me off further. No one ever said it was going to be easy, right?

 

[WillyKat]

No, it ain't easy, but the struggle can have meaningful and fulfilling moments.

Try not to think (no pun intended) that your thinking is "wrong". This is a tricky ailment we have. What appears "wrong" one day may seem profound a month later. I wish I knew who said this but making mistakes is also known as learning. What's "right" may not work as we expect. Try to think of different ideas, practices as paths where some may be longer but bring you to the right place.

And by the way, part of the right /wrong thing is the idea that we can slay the dragon with one"right" mighty blow. The truth is that it takes a thousand cuts, some may be less effective than others. Be receptive to the idea that small victories may bring much healing, but chasing after the big victory may not work. (My mind is wandering today, just as I wrote this I thought of Vietnam where the US won every battle but still lost the war.)

 

[Seasounds]

One thought a person pointed out to me was that, in moving from black and white thinking to circumstantial thinking-which is more flexible, it is a good sign.

Children often think in black and white. Psychologically 'healthy' adults transition to emotionally tolerating ambiguity, and can consider that different rules may apply in different situations. Healthy adults can do this because they have integrated enough safety to be open to different perspectives. Sounds like you are in a good process.

You are not wrong, for using the right or wrong system; nor do you have to give it up. You may be simply adding a viewpoint to what you already have.

 

[GWhizz]

@change - what you said makes complete sense, yet I never thought of it like that. I really need to understand this myself as it could help alleviate some of the personal blame/guilt that I'm carrying so strongly