Grief Is Leading To Panic When Alone?

[Justmehere]

I have a lot of work to do from home this week. Being alone usually isn’t hard. This week, it is really getting to me. The work I have to do from my home office isn’t anything I can take anywhere else.

Therapy has been stirring up grief over people I have known who have died or other losses. Being alone is a really strong reminder of what I have lost, what I don’t have, and how much all of this hurts like hell. I am get really anxious. It’s so weird. I am connecting with people socially, in person, at least once a day, but it’s not really changing any of this.

The only thought I can identify is “I am too alone.” I am too alone in all of my life.

I’m trying to challenge it with, “This is temporary.”

I have a dog and a cat, who give me company, but it’s not whatever I am missing so badly.

I am not home all day… but the hours that I am home, it feels so bad that sometimes, it’s feels like the walls are crashing in on me. Being with people doesn't make all the anxiety go away, but it helps a little. I feel really stupid and weak about this, but I am trying to not beat myself up about it. It is what it is.

Any suggestions? Anyone else ever deal with anything like this?

 

[Crow]

Dealing with it now. I'm feeling completely isolated but that's not the reality. Last night I sat in my car for over an hour just to put off going up to an empty apartment. I have cats too but I get you that their company isn't filling this seemingly ever expanding void.

You're definitely not alone in aloneness.

 

[Justmehere]

You're definitely not alone in aloneness.

:hug:s to you if you accept them. I'm sorry you are dealing with it too, but it does help to know I'm not alone in this. It's awful.

 

[Crow]

Hugs back to you. Yeah. This totally sucks.

 

[maelstrom]

Hey I kind of feel the same sometimes, and something that helps me is taking my work out to a coffee shop or something. Is it possible in your case? If not, then maybe plan your work time ahead so that you can take breaks and reward yourself. For example, if you are planning to work for 4 hours, plan a short trip after 2 hours to the grocery store or a coffee shop or somewhere you can be surrounded with people. Then you come back and work for another 2 hours, and when you are done you can go out and take a walk (and maybe take your dog with you?) It really helps to get out and be around people--I don't mean to socialize or talk with them, but just to be among them, even among strangers. I don't know about you but when the same thing happens to me just being out on the street helps. Breaking your day into blocks also helps, because then it won't seem so long, and you have something to look forward to every few hours.