Recent content by 99Phoenix99

  1. 9

    Writing what I can’t say

    Thanks Freida. It’s honestly only the tip of the iceberg, but it’s a start I guess. I just wish I felt something aside from being hollow. I wish my anger could fuel me to do some sort of change in my life... but I just feel resignation. That this is it. This is my life.
  2. 9

    Empowering/Motivating Music

    Missycat this song is AMAZING and exactly the kind of music I was hoping to hear! Thank you for sharing!
  3. 9

    Writing what I can’t say

    I’ve been a nervous wreck the past two weeks, teetering between barely making it through the day or an all out emotional breakdown. It’s because after 2 years of seeing a new therapist I finally opened up about my PTSD. The onslaught has been cruel and relentless. I’ve been wracked with...
  4. 9

    What do you see and feel when you think of your trauma?

    I feel resigned and resentful to the loss of control over my mind and body.
  5. 9

    Empowering/Motivating Music

    I’ve noticed most of the music I listen to has been making my negative emotions more pronounced. I’m admittedly in a bad headspace right now and am overtly sensitive to everything... lyrics and rhythms included. I would love to build a new playlist based on everyone’s recommendations that can...
  6. 9

    Happiness is kinda scary

    I’ve experienced this multiple times over the years .... and am currently stuck in this. I’m sorry you’re in this cycle of fear as well, but as selfish as it sounds, I’m also relieved to see I’m not alone. The past two weeks I’ve been teetering on the verge of tears, melancholy, jumpiness...
  7. 9

    Sufferer ***Updated*** Hi, Chronic Illness & C-ptsd

    Thank you :) Thanks BlackEmerald :) it’s nice to come back and see some familiar screen names. It makes me feel like that even if it has been a long time, it’s still the safe place I remember. Thank you Eve. I know you’re right, but it’s been hard seeing the forest for the trees lately.
  8. 9

    Sufferer ***Updated*** Hi, Chronic Illness & C-ptsd

    The last time I posted was in 2013 (age 23) and figured a new introduction was in order. I was in a good place when I stopped logging in, however between 2013 and 2019 I have since spiraled. My PTSD stems from traumatic medical procedures due to chronic health issues. I thought I was on the...
  9. 9

    Rat Analogy And Over-stimulation

    This is a really interesting thread to me. I've always considered myself as a lab rat. My trauma stems from medical problems. I was literally experimented on, to an extent I still am, because of the peculiarities of my health. It started when I was 15 and now at the age of 23 I'm starting to...
  10. 9

    Relapse? Denial?

    I want to thank everyone for their replies. I really appreciate them and I've read them over and over again. I'm really overwhelmed right now and I can't reply in a manner that I'd like to just yet. I'm still pretty upset and it's hard to put together a good coherent thought. But I just...
  11. 9

    Relapse? Denial?

    So it's been a while since I last posted. Something along the lines of 5 months. I was improving. I got memories back but they were awful. And the stress made me forget them again. I was content with that. I've been getting on with my life, being healthy, getting back to school... I thought I...
  12. 9

    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    Proud. My mother has a hard time letting go of the reins and I just had a calm and rational discussion with her that I need to be treated as an autonomous adult. I'm trying really hard to set boundaries with her and this is a step towards that. And I'm trying to not lose the feeling of being...
  13. 9

    The "I Need A Hug" Thread

    (((Jaret))) It may be hard right now but think of all the progress you made, all of the positive feelings you've been experiencing lately. Today may be hard but don't let it get you down! Know I'm sending good thoughts your way my friend
  14. 9

    A New Relationship, Adjusting

    I'm not sure if this is out of line or anything but there's a book I recently read that's really helped me in the dating world. Most recently with an ex contacting me two weeks ago wanting to try to renew things after an ugly break up. It's called "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. Now...
  15. 9

    Can't Believe I'm In A Ptsd Relationship

    Honestly. I would say make yourself LESS AVAILABLE TO HIM. See what happens. See how he reacts. You mentioned this whole arrangement is convenient for him yes? Make it convenient for you now. Next time he messages you.... don't respond. Next time he asks to come over tell him you're busy...