Recent content by HealingMama

  1. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and inspirations with me. It's so weird, the time I wrote that you replied to seems so far away. My husband has been totally cool for the last few weeks, mostly bc my protector isn't being aggressive towards him anymore. (I'm really thankful for that change...
  2. HealingMama

    DID PTSD Dissociation vs Alter switching

    Thank you. My T hasn't formally dx me with a dissociative disorder. But I basically asked for that, I don't mind being dx with PTSD but worry about possible ramifications of a dissociative disorder on my record. She's been cool about it so far. She dodges the dx question also. I gave myself the...
  3. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    So I have a diary on my phone that I am using to attempt some internal communication. I can tell that they are interested in this, bc I have felt very destabilized since early yesterday with lots of "noise" and movement. I don't know what I am doing. I am so f**** uncomfortable in my body right...
  4. HealingMama

    DID PTSD Dissociation vs Alter switching

    Yeah, I always thought my parts were just parts, like OSDD 1b parts. If it's possible that any of them could take over the body entirely I have to really take my time getting used to that.
  5. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Wanting to acknowledge that sometimes when I am interacting with the outside world regarding the subject of parts, there are these moments of... Harmony? Cohesiveness? Like everyone in there is happy with what I'm saying or doing? They feel seen and heard and appreciated. It's a very distinctive...
  6. HealingMama

    Just another EMDR thread. With added scepticism

    Sounds like maybe your provider should be using the "level of urge to avoid" scale rather than the SUDS scale, or maybe some IFS to separate protectors from trauma holding parts. As others said, EMDR is hard for those who are used to avoiding the affect, images and sensations, and then are...
  7. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Update... We have made some progress in therapy with the protector that generated a lot of anger and acting out in the system. It is no longer using it's role that way within our marriage. That's cool. We have done some system mapping. We have a host, a gatekeeper, angry protector...
  8. HealingMama

    DID PTSD Dissociation vs Alter switching

    Thank you. Today didn't feel like a struggle so much as I was leaving and didn't want to. Typing that out definitely makes it sound like a struggle, though. I've had dissociative moments like that, such as when I rushed EMDR with a new provider, but the parts conversation is a context that is...
  9. HealingMama

    DID PTSD Dissociation vs Alter switching

    Yeah I'm not sure I'm using technical/clinical language. I am almost always a host self sharing the body with another part that's either inside and communicating somatically or on the surface with me but I'm still here too (exception being severe fight mode stuff). Sometimes I wonder if I have...
  10. HealingMama

    DID PTSD Dissociation vs Alter switching

    Thank you for sharing. Are these full switches you are describing with some amount of time loss? If you don't mind my asking. My switching is usually like an old red view master where there's a sensory click, and the affect and felt sense are all different from what came before it. But, the...
  11. HealingMama

    DID PTSD Dissociation vs Alter switching

    If you have alters or parts, how would you describe your switching amongst parts separately from PTSD specific dissociation? We had an intense experience in therapy today where we almost blacked out and one side of the body went totally numb, and we are trying to figure out if this was a part...
  12. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Update. Husband has been totally open and understanding about this secret friendship issue. We have had better communication than we have had in months. He's mostly doing all the right things. He continues to apologize for breaking my trust. There's still a lot of other problems but this one is...
  13. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    With regard to the relationship, we had a virtual marriage workshop before all this exploded, and agreed to keep communications positive. I haven't decided yet what I want to do, and I'm hoping to get more info about the other woman before I have to make a decision. We have another workshop...
  14. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Had therapy today. Told her about all of this. She notes that my experience of my relationship is very chaotic, and I do not seem like that about any other areas of my life. She is trying to help me grow in my connection to my inner truth, because I have been listening to him more over the years...
  15. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Yesterday, I discovered that calling him out on the half truth from the day before was not accurate. He actually did not try to communicate with the first person we discussed speaking to either. He acted so put upon that I'd accuse him of lying because he only did half of what I asked, when the...
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