Recent content by helbredelse

  1. H

    What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

    I hate when I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster like today. The days like today when I feel so much hate towards my ex fiance but I also know it's part of the grieving and healing process and that the anger is masking grief, like a lifetime of grief. Thoughts that pop up like if I...
  2. H

    Recovering from Relationship with Sociopath

    Thank you. That helps a lot actually. Nothing to apologize for. Having thought about what you wrote for a bit and talking to someone about how I was feeling about it, I think it's "easier" for me to feel angry and redirect it all to my ex than to deal with a lifetime of pain and grief and what...
  3. H

    Recovering from Relationship with Sociopath

    After my father killed himself, I ended up working two jobs while going to high school and taking care of my mother and older brother. I'm the one who had to call and tell my older sister what happened. Months later I ended up dating for the first time which was really bad, in hindsight. That...
  4. H

    Recovering from Relationship with Sociopath

    I also feel angry at times that I'm the one dealing with all of the house stuff and expenses. He is on the lease as well and doesn't have to pay for any house expenses or maintenance. He doesn't have to deal with the paperwork from not renewing the lease or making sure the place is clean when I...
  5. H

    Recovering from Relationship with Sociopath

    It feels like he got away with unleashing all this trauma on me at once. I was slowly and safely working on my past trauma with my therapist and then "boom" it (all of my trauma) seemed to be coming from everywhere at once. The flashbacks felt so intense and excruciating at times that I almost...
  6. H

    Recovering from Relationship with Sociopath

    It's coming up on a year since my ex-fiancé dropped an emotional bomb on me and left me out of the blue. No arguments, no issues that I was aware of. One day he calmly approached me and basically told me that he's been unhappy for months, it's been fun, he doesn't want to be in a monogamous...
  7. H

    Today my “coworker” (my pet)...

    The work place shenanigans have been escalating lately. Seemingly out of the blue today, my smallest co-worker awkwardly sat on my largest co-worker's back while he was lounging on a bar stool and then the bar stool tipped over toppling them both to the ground. A fight then broke out between...
  8. H

    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    Feeling overwhelmed and a bit numb today.
  9. H

    Wish I could stop remembering

    I can understand that. My trauma goes back to my early childhood. Some of my earliest memories are from trauma. I'm in my 40s and have been through a lot of trauma. I had more trauma this last July and the flashbacks/nightmares/etc. keep coming. Since then, a lot of past traumatic events have...
  10. H

    Recently Discovered Former Partner is an Addict

    Long story short, with my therapist's help, I've realized he's very likely a sociopath which makes it that much more important that I go 100% no contact. I've ordered a book she recommended that will hopefully help. It's a bit mind boggling but now some things are making much more sense. She had...
  11. H

    Recently Discovered Former Partner is an Addict

    Thank you again. I am feeling better. I tend to beat myself up over this stuff sometimes. Instead, I need to be more gentle with myself since it isn't easy and it takes time and work and I am making progress. Yes, it happened. No, I can't change the past. What can I do? Work on recognizing the...
  12. H

    Recently Discovered Former Partner is an Addict

    Thank you! To be honest, I already had done a few things that made me look like the crazy ex. I'm not proud but I do understand what happened and why. It's so completely unlike me. Old trauma is brutal and there seems to be a lot of it. I can't change the past. All I can really do now is to work...
  13. H

    Recently Discovered Former Partner is an Addict

    Thank you! So if I understand correctly, my brain is making connections that aren't really there because of the old unprocessed trauma. My ex fiancé and whatever he's doing now is not related to my past trauma. My brain saw "x" and interpreted me as being in danger or something because it was...
  14. H

    Recently Discovered Former Partner is an Addict

    I posted before in other threads that my fiancé left me out of the blue about six months ago basically telling me that he's been unhappy for months, he wanted to live on his own, to not be in a monogamous relationship, and to go back to a certain lifestyle from years ago before we were together...
  15. H

    How Do I Trust Again

    After writing that, I did some thinking and research. I started remembering that we had talks about philosophy over the years. He had mentioned he believes in nihilism. I didn't think much of it over the years other than I struggled to understand it. Now, it's making much more sense and why I've...
Back
Top