Recent content by Renly

  1. Renly

    Fatigued from idea of making new friends. Anyone else?

    I 100% understand how you feel. I’m in my early 30’s and as part of my therapy process, I sat down with a parent to help me count childhood moves to understand the impact they had on me. By 18, I had moved 13 times - from 18 until now I’ve moved 17 times, for a total of 30 moves. I really didn’t...
  2. Renly

    A Turn Away From Dissociation: The Association Thread

  3. Renly

    Sitting in the car

    I often find myself in this very same position. Take your time, be kind to yourself. You are not alone.
  4. Renly

    Increase in dissociative episodes between EMDR sessions

    I definitely am at the beginning stages here, but I gotta start somewhere!! I am beginning to realize the same thing. My brain blocked or "fogged" out many things - and I am beginning to appreciate all my brain did to preserve me instead of being so angry/frustrated. I agree that it is quite...
  5. Renly

    Increase in dissociative episodes between EMDR sessions

    I’ve 100% seen an increase in all of my symptoms since beginning therapy, so that is helpful info here!! The “it gets worse before it gets better” is definitely my experience. I am also wondering this point…especially with my emotional numbness. I often cannot tell if I’m feeling “okay” or if...
  6. Renly

    Increase in dissociative episodes between EMDR sessions

    Mostly, I experience emotional numbness - I am still a bit unclear on whether this is a form of dissociation - but this weekend I had 2 dissociative episodes (derealization) lasting about an hour each. Both episodes started after I was having a minor panic attack (both panic attacks I could not...
  7. Renly

    What Is Your Subjective Units Of Distress (suds) Rating Right Now?

    Up and down all day for many days now…between 2 and 8…riding the waves. Right now (thankfully) im at a 2.
  8. Renly

    Sufferer Emptiness and shame.

    I spent over a decade working with children and adults with autism and other developmental disorders/behavioral issues. Most events causing my PTSD began prior to my work, but I can empathize with how you are feeling. I’m a very petite person and many times my clients were much bigger than me...
  9. Renly

    A Turn Away From Dissociation: The Association Thread

  10. Renly

    Talking about suicidal thoughts/suicidal ideation

    I agree with this 100%. I definitely know my making a small error on a form or a minor complaint from someone regarding a work matter is no reason for SI to show up with such ferocity… Those reasons are silly. But in the moment, because I cannot really sense the real, past, WHY…I get so...
  11. Renly

    Talking about suicidal thoughts/suicidal ideation

    This is something I also wondered about. Some people I’ve talked to can’t even begin to fathom what it’s like feeling like they would be better off dead…and can’t seem to wrap their heads around the fact that feeling comes to visit me often. I had a suspected brain tumor for a while in my mid...
  12. Renly

    Sufferer I awoke and realized that l have ptsd

    Hi there! I’m so sorry for your pain. My PTSD’s full expression had a delayed onset as well so I can sympathize. Do you have any support in place (ie: therapist?). My therapist has been my lifeline. This forum has been immensely helpful for me in finding people with similar experiences (who GET...
  13. Renly

    There has to be a name for this...

    Are you always able to figure out the past memory attached? 9 times out of 10 I cannot…so it’s super frustrating. All I have is the everyday stress that triggered me ☹️ It makes me feel confused and hopeless. When I CAN attach a past memory it makes me feel way better because then I feel less...
  14. Renly

    Talking about suicidal thoughts/suicidal ideation

    I hope I can! But, you are right, I can't strongarm it away....I definitely have tried and it for sure has not worked. I am going to try to give it some creative attention like you suggested and see where that goes. As for the funeral...I've got the matches ready 😂 😂
  15. Renly

    Talking about suicidal thoughts/suicidal ideation

    I guess my issue here was I already know this person cares for me. I was looking for support and instead I felt I had to support them due to their emotional reaction. I am working on some negative cognitions “I am not allowed to feel” and “I am responsible” so I think they flared up in this...