Recent content by squeedle

  1. squeedle

    Ptsd Dating - I need a men who is capable of agression to feel safe. Am I alone to be like that?

    I've always been drawn to characters in movies or on tv who are extremely able to kill someone (think soldier, police, etc.), but is extremely controlled in deciding when he would use that ability. A very strong male who who can be equally gentle. The two extremes are so sexy to me. In real...
  2. squeedle

    I'm a horrible human being...

    These are some tools I've learned to use to cope with a traumatized life. I hope there's something here that will help even just a little. Breathe. Right now, I mean it. Deep breaths with the intent to relax can truly help. Repeat as often as necessary. And do other things to help stay calm...
  3. squeedle

    Sufferer Deep mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual trauma, 44M

    Welcome! I'm glad you have joined us!
  4. squeedle

    Sufferer Hi - From childhood abuse to battling depression, surviving suicide, losing friends, & isolating.

    Oh, I so very much relate! Here's hoping we both find our ways out of isolation.
  5. squeedle

    Other How to manage physical pain

    I'm struggling with finding help with my pain and this whole experience, but I found a piece that helps me. It might be worth looking closely at what pain means to you. I realized that early traumas made me associate physical pain with a threat against my life. So feeling physical pain makes...
  6. squeedle

    Non Triggering TV/Movies

    I think "Unstoppable" with yummy Denzel is exciting and well done. It's a runaway train movie (pretty formulaic), but it always is a good distraction.
  7. squeedle

    DID Question for those that have parts

    Hello and a gentle welcome to your new part. I haven't experienced this shyness before, but it makes me think of when I bring home a new cat to foster. They usually have been traumatized and basically hide under the bed. I like to sit on the floor away from the bed and just spend a few minutes...
  8. squeedle

    Memory issues.

    Could this be a component (dissociative amnesia) why I keep getting involved with toxic people? If I sense they're toxic, I black out / forget and don't see it? I had numerous abusers from birth to 12 years old, but 40 years later, I still get fooled by unhealthy individuals. I do realize that...
  9. squeedle

    A Turn Away From Dissociation: The Association Thread

  10. squeedle

    A Turn Away From Dissociation: The Association Thread

  11. squeedle

    Sufferer Well, here goes... Something?

    Welcome! I hope you find good connections and comfort here! I can't say that I share the depth of your feelings, but mine are enough to incapacitate me. You are among friends here. Reading others' posts can reduce the sense of isolation if responses aren't forthcoming, (Clearly, I don't...
  12. squeedle

    regression safety

    I will sometimes hold, cuddle a pillow or stuffed animal as if it were that child. I'll ask her if she wants to tell me anything or send me some images (that's if I'm feeling pretty grounded.) But using the 5 senses is good: stomping my feet (while thinking or saying "No") swaddling in a blanket
  13. squeedle

    One small step

    I appreciate that I'm growing- I'm taking more risks regarding people. I had basically stopped trying to make or have friends about 5-7 years ago. There's one brother I talk to 2-3 times a year. otherwise, it's just me and my T and 2 neighbors I encounter every so often. I really cut people out...
  14. squeedle

    One small step

    Just the word "diary" is intimidating to me: expressing my thoughts and feelings, and in a public place, to boot! After a lifetime of being judged by myself and others...... In 2 and a half hours it will be 2022. I'm horribly lonely and bored, as usual, at the holidays, but what I am not...