Recent content by Vickster

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    Memory issues.

    Could this be a component (dissociative amnesia) why I keep getting involved with toxic people? If I sense they're toxic, I black out / forget and don't see it? I had numerous abusers from birth to 12 years old, but 40 years later, I still get fooled by unhealthy individuals. I do realize that...
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    A Turn Away From Dissociation: The Association Thread

    rabble-rouser
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    A Turn Away From Dissociation: The Association Thread

    instructions
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    Sufferer Well, here goes... Something?

    Welcome! I hope you find good connections and comfort here! I can't say that I share the depth of your feelings, but mine are enough to incapacitate me. You are among friends here. Reading others' posts can reduce the sense of isolation if responses aren't forthcoming, (Clearly, I don't...
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    regression safety

    I will sometimes hold, cuddle a pillow or stuffed animal as if it were that child. I'll ask her if she wants to tell me anything or send me some images (that's if I'm feeling pretty grounded.) But using the 5 senses is good: stomping my feet (while thinking or saying "No") swaddling in a blanket
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    One small step

    I appreciate that I'm growing- I'm taking more risks regarding people. I had basically stopped trying to make or have friends about 5-7 years ago. There's one brother I talk to 2-3 times a year. otherwise, it's just me and my T and 2 neighbors I encounter every so often. I really cut people out...
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    One small step

    Just the word "diary" is intimidating to me: expressing my thoughts and feelings, and in a public place, to boot! After a lifetime of being judged by myself and others...... In 2 and a half hours it will be 2022. I'm horribly lonely and bored, as usual, at the holidays, but what I am not...
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    Cant cry. I think i need to.

    I sing to the soundtrack of "Les Miserables" to get jump-started.
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    How do you work on shame?

    In my opinion: guilt is about something I did while shame is about who I am. Toxic shame might be when others try to make you feel ashamed. Whether or not the feelings are accurate is a whole other thing.
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    Childhood Dealing with a plethora of triggers, often unknown

    Wow! Maybe this is what my "zoning out" is all about! My inability to get even basic tasks done, even getting some water to drink when thirsty. I just can't comprehend why I can't do it. (I will when I use the bathroom, but I'll even hold off on that). My mind works, but I can't persuade my body...
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    What does T mean by this?

    There can be so many layers to pain. One layer at a time, one step at a time. And don't be frightened by that. You truly are much, much stronger than you know.
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    What does T mean by this?

    I have found therapy to be about layers. And processing things with our head is quite different from processing things with our heart. I can know something/ understand it intellectually, but not understand it in my heart if I haven't felt it yet. When I get to my deepest emotional pain then I...
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    Sufferer Learning to listen to my cptsd

    Good job gaining sobriety! The hoiday season is also hard for me. My worst abuses happened at Christmas when we went to grandma's house. I can feel triggered anytime from mid- October thru mid- January. Hope we can both find comfort here.
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    Childhood My parents wanted to kill me, struggling to deal

    I am so very sorry. I was an unwanted child, and I have found some healing when I could realize that it wasn't ME they didn't want, it was the child they had that they didn't want. I repeat- the child they had, not you. It wasn't the glorious being that was/ is you that they rejected, They could...
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