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Abusive environment / how do you keep working?

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I feel so hopeless and panicked and overwhelmed by working right now. I'm so anxious I want to vomit and I can't stop shaking because of some really awful and abusive things that happened at work recently. I just want to quit. I just want to quit. But I can't live if I quit, because I don't have enough savings to sustain myself. I can't be homeless. That would be worse.

But I'm so anxious that I'm feeling hopeless and suicidal (even though I'm safe - I promise).

So how can I keep going?

How do you keep going?

I'm just so hopeless. I don't see a way out of this mess.
 
Identify the things you can do something about to make the job bearable. Notify the appropriate people to support you in handling the "awful and abusive things." Workplaces should be safe places and there are laws and procedures to keep them that way, at least in the US. If you are working with a T, ask him/her for ideas to help you manage your reactions to the stressors as well as steps to improve the work situation.
 
I'm so sorry you're going through this @theshadowoftheliving . I've been in a situation in the past where I was so anxious about going to work due to the things that were happening there that I felt like vomiting.
I agree with @Enaila ^ for me, talking to my counselor really helped. Are you able search for another job in the mean time while you go about finding strategies to make this one bearable?
 
@Enaila I'm trying to get support from my workplace. I know that they will help me. But I am spiraling out in the meantime. All I can think about is the hopelessness of being stuck in a job I hate, and how it takes so much time and energy and mental space to just keep it up and just keep going .....

@bellbird I'm trying to look for new jobs. But I can't make the switch this instant, and that is the problem ....

This all just makes me feel so, so hopeless ....
 
When I’ve been in that situation I’ve taken it a day at a time. Instead of thinking of being stuck there forever, try to reframe it as doing just now what you need to do to make ends meet.

On a very practical level find little things that help ground you and lessen your anxiety. For me that meant going outside during breaks and getting some fresh air, doing deep breathing exercises throughout the day, having nice hand cream (sounds odd but using hand cream was a real soothing thing for me - literally instant self care), using time outside work to connect with friends.

It’s so hard but you can do it.
 
It’s so hard but you can do it.

Thank you. I know you are right. It is just hard. It is also really complicated because I am DID and so it isn't even just me that I am worried about - stuff like this causes such intense inner conflict, especially amongst the little ones.

And then all I can think about it leaving, but working and therapy and health insurance are all tied together ....
 
This sounds really stressful - sorry you are going through this at the moment.

Is it possible for you to take some time away from work, even if it’s just a day or two?
A chance to try to de-stress and recharge and practise some self care so that you feel a bit more resourced when you return?

If not, I echo what @Suzetig said. When I have been in similar situations, I found ways to build opportunities into the day so that I could check in with myself, ground, self-soothe... I don’t know what kind of work you do or what kind of environment you work in. I was in an open plan office and I did things like regularly going outside to get some air/go for a walk, working from different places in the building so I wasn’t just sitting at my desk all the time, listening to soothing music while I was on a bathroom break. And another handcream fan here!

I remember the experiences well...the panic, the dread, the need to get out. So, I really feel for you.
 
Thank you, @barefoot I am trying really hard to hold it together and be okay and do what I need to do to make it through the day.

I’m mostly frustrated because I’m expending all my energy on just surviving .... I need to spend time figuring how to get out of this mess. But I have no energy to do that, so I’m just drowning in panic instead.
 
Sorry I missed this thread first time around.

You’ve got some great advice above which will hopefully help hold things together.

My 2 cents? Respond to your symptoms as much as you can. If the urgent issue is panic, that’s your anxiety levels are too high, yeah? So focus as much as you can on the things you do specifically for bringing down your anxiety levels, whether that be more exercise, taking time out to have a coffee at a nice cafe, CBT thought-challenging, yoga, reading, arting, etc.

Go back to the skills you’ve learnt specifically for bringing down your anxiety levels.

And keep in touch here, because you have the support of the crowd here, k?:hug:
 
This week is a little better. Anxiety comes and goes. But there are also some other really big issues going on in my life that are making me stressed out .... so there is that. I just want them all to go away, and I think the only way to make them go away is by quitting work.

My therapist actually suggested that.

So I don't know what to do with that. I can't quit, financially, It wouldn't make sense. But I want to. I want to quit so, so much.
 
I'm glad your week is going a little better. You are so strong.
You could try making a pros/cons list about quitting your job? It might help to see it all laid out. Not to make any decision just yet but just so you get a full perspective about it.
 
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