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The journey begins ... or continues ... articulating the rollercoaster that is my life

Thank you friends @Freida and @Sideways:hug:.
Hugs and condolences gratefully accepted.
I just rang my bestie back and she's with another of our friends tonight and I'll be in to see her in the morning.
We are off the road at the moment, between cars and I don't yet drive anyway so I'll be catching the bus to go see her and my T tomorrow.
It doesn't seem to does it @Freida? We are both very concerned for another mutual male friend as well, has withdrawn and isn't answering calls or texts. I hope he hasn't done the same thing.
We lost 2 people to suicide from our circle, 1 last year and the other around the previous christmas too.
So it's been six people for me.
While I was in the clinic, one of my closest friend who I made in there, lost two of her musical friends from choirs she had sung in, to suicide, while she was an.inpatient. I had to peer support her through it because she didn't get staff support and maybe she's here because I did that, but I broke the rules to do that.
 
Feeling sad about my friend.

I spent most of yesterday, between therapy and a massage, with my bestie, and today we had a choir devoted to talking about him and practising songs for his memorial.

I saw my oldest son tonight, he came around to visit.
It was lovely to see him. :hug:

We got a new (third [at least] hand) car last night. It's AWESOME!
I'm now needing to re-get my learners.:rolleyes:
 
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This is the "I'm very sad about my friend killing himself so I'm going to draw a picture to cheer myself up" drawing
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Thank you friends :-) I'm waiting at the place our choir rehearses, where we are having a memorial service for our lovely newly departed friend. Yesterday I felt utterly gutted, today I am much more reflective, philosophical and coming to terms with the loss.
It was my day to grieve yesterday, as my first response was to extend comfort and support to my friend until I was so spent and needed time to feel my own loss. He was one of the most decent, honourable and kind people I have ever met. We loved, loved, loved to sing together and I know that it brought him as much joy as it did me, when we did.
 
(((@mumstheword )))
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
I am SO SORRY for your loss of a good friend! It is the saddest of deaths, and it leaves SO much pain and sorrow behind. You are a WONDERFUL friend who gives as much as you possibly can, whenever, and wherever you can. I do hope that there won't be any more suicides near you!

If only people could and would get the right help.

Blessings & Prayers to you❤️❤️❤️
 
I'm happy that you took 'your turn'... it's wonderful to be present for others... but if we aren't present for our self too, it looses it's meaning along the way... I am sorry for the loss of your singing buddy... he's still singing with you... that kind of connection is not broken by his not being physically present in your life.. and your times 'together' in the future, when you are singing and thinking of him... he is singing with you. In a pure way now... He is out of pain... and his spirit will help your voice to connect with others.... he lives forever in your heart and memories... no one, not even death , can take that away.
Tender hugs to you Mums.... and we are here for you in those times when it hits you all over again... you are not alone...
 
Sad, sad, sad.
Heart so heavy.
Pete, you left us in the lurch.
It hurts,
Burns.
I thought I'd maybe earned your trust,
but must've been of no consequence.
Your death by self hurts me hard.
So many friends have died by their own hands,
we here are abandoned, shards of us, lost to despair.
I'm plunged into purgatory, shared pain, lame by proxy, proximity, shame deep, it sweeps me off my feet, I'm crying by your dying, you couldn't find it in you to reach out, flouted life, clouded by despair, why did you think there wasn't anywhere? Anyone? You could have run to me , to us, or rung me before you headed out that door, to be no more in our lives. We've survived, hanging on by a thread sometimes, but by God we hung on, I think you thought wrong, that I wasn't there for you but by golly that was silly, folly to take your life and leave us all in strife. We are good people, not perfect but with lots to give, but now, no more opportunity with you, my friend, you ended it. I feel like I'm back around the bend with grief, need valium for sleep, in too deep, it's steep, I don't want to backside, I've tried so hard to climb this high, gain a vantage point, "but what's the point?" you seemed to say "It's futile" instead I'd rather we had reconciled, that's more my style. By golly Pete, you got us good, wrenched the heart artfully, pulled apart community, I hope we can stitch this rift you left us, back together and mend us good, my friend.
 
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Rhyming soothes my hurt heart.
It's a balm for my weary, worried, worked-too-hard-at-life, stricken, wanton ways.
My art is what makes life worthy for me.
I see too much, cry too much, have had too much expected of me, so I'm taking my responsibility and turning it into poetry.
I have so much to be grateful for, as beauty touches the very core of me.
I love, fiercely, fight for life fairly, I believe.
I'm relieved by wordplay, buying time with breath and fluid flying through me into worlds that I know nothing of.
Uncertainty is hard for me, but I bare it.
Cherish safely, and intelligent, courageous courtesy, what can I do, but live honestly?
Wordplay is what makes life fun for me.
Believe me, melody and art for me, is what's keeps me going, giving grace and peace and places to piece myself together. I cherish it and you and truth and I'm rooting for you and me and we, freely feeling, not everything, coz it's hard to bare, but being there, when
I can. That's all, that's my calling, and my cards that I'm playing, saying this is taking my shaming and reframing, refraining from my horrid blame-gaming that hurts and hinders, turning my life to cinders and sending me back to my cave. I gave and gave and never considered me, until it was nearly too late, now care has stepped in and given me free reign to create a life worth more and brings my treasures to the fore. Core self wants off the shelf, wants centre stage, not to be caged by grief and the deceit that cuts and crushes but to be freed, agreed?
 
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That's all, that's my calling, and my cards that I'm playing, saying this is taking my shaming and reframing, refraining from my horrid blame-gaming that hurts and hinders, turning my life to cinders and sending me back to my cave. I gave and gave and never considered me, until it was nearly too late, now care has stepped in and given me free reign to create a life worth more and brings my treasures to the fore. Core self wants off the shelf, wants centre stage, not to be caged by grief and the deceit that cuts and crushes but to be freed, agreed?

Thank you so much for sharing your creativity and alchemical process:) I loved the whole piece, the lines above moved me strongly...the cinders and back to the cave, the gave and gave and never considered...wow! I was starting to feel a certain way while working, the voice creeping in again and thought to check, I don't know what I was 'checking' but of course I was being led to another breath, more life, more inspiration. Thank you. Big heart smiles and appreciation. :)
 
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