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All this work to be back in this position?

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Finchlet2

Confident
Vulnerable. Scared. At the mercy of professionals. I want to scream and beg but no sound escapes because no one responds well to that. I am not a drama queen. I overcame so much for you faced so many fears head on changed life, dreams perceptions till all of me is a part of you yet you too silence me, underestimate the pain Trust unquestioningly them who are putting my life at risk as if your always one to bow for authority so why throw me to the lions. I love you but I am in more danger than you realise and you are contributing to my forced silence and that breaks another piece of my heart husband.
 
Sorry was in middle of panic attack. Skull split/ problematic heal is causing more issues than ever and this is a a eek of cat scan and mri and poss surgery. Not hubby's fault all my shit. Sorry.

I was abused in an institution. I find doctors very difficult to trust
 
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Thank you. And nurses. They saw the bruises and tears, knew what caused those kind of infections and hid the evidence. Institutions a f*cked up. I also have this old injury on my skull from stuff connected to this that I feel to sick need to talk about. Then just when Im truly on the precipice of recovery from most of my ptsd symptoms another cerebral spinal fluid outer membrane infection as when it happened no one reset my skull proper. Surprisingly not many medical reprucussions for that in my youth but literally just turned 29 and for the last six years it has increasingly dangerous complications and interrupts life flow. Gotta be strong now too as I'm supporting my hubby in court tmrw to do with an evil ex landlord of his and I'm trying to convince my sons social workers that my he might be be if it. from stem cell therapy. Thank you for listening, had to tell one of my younger friends of big time yesterday for laughing at one of his mates having a diabetic seizure. I didn't hold back but talked to him in his own language telling him he was losing my respect. That was cathartic as it takes a lot for me to have a pop .

Not tears as in boo hoo to clarify
 
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I felt like this before I started therapy. I knew this was true and I'd never get out of it because I was always there waiting, and I'd make sure I ended up the same way. Not so much now. : ) It's in my feelings though, not exactly in what I just said? It feels nice.
 
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