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Attracted to dangerous people and situations

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AllisonStern

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I find myself becoming really close with dangerous people all of the time, people that like to manipulate others, that are physically stronger, that are predatory. I similarly find myself in situations where something bad could easily happen, but it's like I've just accepted the fate and go along with it.

Is this something other people can relate to? Could trauma possibly explain this?

It really worries me after the fact, but the fear doesn't seem to "click" when it should.
 
What does that mean? I'm afraid I'm not very familiar with the concept. Is it just seeking out si...

Ahh, well, seeking out experiences similar to how we were traumatized, sometimes because we feel some kind of comfort in the familiar (oddly enough), or sometimes because we want to change the outcome and “conquer” the trauma once and for all.

So, someone with a sexual abuse history may seek out dangerous sexual situations, for example.
 
I did this for so many years. I think I'm still a bit like that. But I found someone who is not predatory but is another sufferer like me, together, we are battling the violent, manipulative and dishonest people we can't seem to get away from (with police and service support and helping our children because it's our ex's too).
I am trying to move though, somewhere safer, where I have already began to start a healthier life with people with stability and integrity. I just need some help to get away from here. My friend wants to stay here, he is a very tall, strong mature man though, who is close to our next door neighbors, so he will be fine. I did what you describe for so many years, but now, I have so little tolerance for those kinds of people. I think it's a symptom of the c-ptsd, we got too used to abuse and had very low self esteem. Now we have each other we have better perspective, because I can't stand him being mistreated, and he can't stand me being mistreated, it helps.
 
Been there, done that, too bad they don't hand out T-shirts for it. Like others have said, it's living in your comfort zone because that's all you've ever known. Then there's reenactment, where you subconsciously try to relive the same scenario in hopes that this time you can change its outcome. And for me, there was a third factor, that because of how my parents were, I was never taught skills to do anything else. I'm 63 years old and asking my therapist what a normal reaction would be to say someone who was rude in a grocery store, or how to react to a "friend" who says I "need" to do this or that. I lived a life of kowtowing to cruel people in order to survive. The good news is that once you're aware of it, you can now learn new ways to avoid or change the situation. I think it was Babette Rothschild who writes about the 3 parts of trauma: the trauma itself, what you had to do to survive, and what you didn't get to do because you were busy surviving (like skills to avoid dangerous people).
 
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