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My person seeing what i am..

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So...my person has been spending nights with me, which i like, which mostly goes well..however, ive been off work for several days now and we have spent the last 3 days and nights together and ive been a bit of a mess. .i try to hold it together as much as i can while he and my children are around. Its been really hard today. Ive been depressed and tired during the day and not really interested in doing anything, between the memories, thoughts, and flashbacks. Tonight we went to bed together but my mind is still everywhere but here, and i know that he wanted to be intimate lovey but i couldnt.. first time this has really happened in current relationship. He's very nice and caring but i suddenly got very afraid that he might be angry with me and i had to leave for a while.
Its at this point in most of my relationships where things fall apart ..
Im worried about how he has seen me be for the last few days may alter his perception of me and our relationship.
Ptsd ruins so many things.
Just more venting. :(
 
What do you think he might not like that he has seen? Taking it slowly is your choice. He must see...
I guess i worry that he's going to realize that this stuff affects me pretty much round the clock at times and see that its more than he thought..
And, i dont know...
I do know that you're right...
I just have such a fear of ppl seeing me on bad days and how they will see me,
And ultimately. .losing everyone..
Whether because they think im crazy or i push them away.
 
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I know exactly what you mean... I'm always afraid of what will happen if I let my crazy out. Don't have any words of wisdom - just letting you know it's not just you
 
How long have you been with him? Does he know about PTSD at all? You should have a conversation with him about how it affects you and your relationships. Yep, it will be hard but if he's worth keeping he'll listen and support without judgment. No need to share about your trauma just fill him in on your symptoms. That's what I would want from my person. Good luck!
 
Kinda funny not funny...we had just fallen in love then i had a huge relapse after actually thinking that the ptsd was gone after 6 yrs. ..he was the first person i went to when i was spiraling out and he was there for me through hospitalization and everything so far..
Hes unbelievably solid...
Still...i feel how i feel..
I feel bad that im not my old self i guess.
Thank you. <3
 
My guy keeps it together so much of the time but PTSD always finds a way to leak out all over the place. I'm used to "all of him" so I just let it play out however that may be at the time.

When our relationship became more serious that's when PTSD reared its ugly head. His stress cup blah blah blah...

If this is a serious relationship which it sounds like it is you both have to share what you're feeling. week

If he loves you (like I love J) he'll accept all of you. And want to support you. And it sounds like he already does. He sounds great.

I know you want to hide your symptoms but that's impossible sometimes. Especially with your safe person. I hope things work out for you.

XO

Eek. Not Week. Ugh!

I'm not sure that nightmares matter either. You don't have to have them to have ptsd.

I used to have another person I would work with all the time and it helped keep me grounded some. Now I'm by myself alot of the time and I have a really hard time staying out of my head.
 
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@alienplantnapper I hear your concerns and this is what I think..
stuff affects me pretty much round the clock at times and see that its more than he thought.

Yes he needs to see you as you are. Not as you were (pre-trauma & pre-PTSD) but what you are right now. I know you want to stuff it all away and re-write your history so you don't need to tell. But you know you cannot re-write your history and if it is a long term relationship you are wanting with this man it's probably for the better that he is given an opportunity to know. Particularly as it is getting serious.

See how he manages with the information about PTSD. You may be pleasantly surprised. Idk

fear of ppl seeing me on bad days and how they will see me

So this is one person, whom you want a serious long term healthy relationship with. Work on that...he's just one person. Not the whole world you don't have to worry about the rest of the world right now. Just one person, this man. It is private information you are disclosing to someone that you intend to trust with your private information. That's all.

Can you trust him with your information regarding your PTSD diagnosis?

If you decide you can - do it calmly and simply and let him know that you have bad days and what they might look like. Also let him know you are working on there not being so many bad days. Let him know how you feel about those bad days and those bad days are not ever his fault.

they think im crazy or i push them away.

You cannot read mind's. You cannot expect this man to react with any compassion or understanding if you do not tell him about your PTSD. As said previously you do not have to disclose the trauma. That could be another bridge to cross in the future if all goes well. But for now do not expect a reasonable reaction from this man if you do not give him a fair chance to first know you have PTSD and be informed.

If you need to tell him that sometimes the best he can do for you is nothing because you tend to push away ppl despite loving them still - then tell him.

Please do not hang him out to dry before giving him a chance. :hug:

Please don't lump him in with all the idiots out in the world that are allegedly normal & cope with everything life has to throw at them.:rolleyes:

If you have a therapist I'd be discussing your fears. They are real and I fight them too. I think honesty is needed imo.:hug:
 
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