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Going to a food bank

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Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
So... for a variety of reasons I've climbed into a financial hole. Actually, that should be fallen, into a financial hole. The biggest reason being I left a better paying job about 1.5 years ago, to follow my dreams and work full time with animals. The job I was at was stressing me out and had long departed with work that gave me meaning. So, I blame myself for being this poor. I blame myself for my debt. But see, I also don't regret it, so hows that for twisted. Add in injuries, paying for therapy out of pocket, car issues, etc etc and blah.

I don't have enough money to pay bills this month. I have stopped buying food for myself or even allergy medicine. I am giving the pets everything they need, of course.

So, my T was asking me about going to a food bank. And I told her about all this shame I'm carrying. I know most of this comes from my family of origin. They were judgmental jerks. Anyone in need of help was a failure. I don't believe that. I've never believed that.

So... there's a food bank that's open today and another that's open tomorrow. The one that is open tomorrow I actually volunteer at once a month. I give out pet food. I've also volunteered a fair bit with the homeless community in my area. So, I feel like I am going to be judged by them, which is probably incredibly dumb.

I don't know what I want from this post. I just figure, if I say it and deal with my feelings it's going to be better than stuffing it. And there shouldn't be shame. Not the way this world is. Not when there are so many things that can bring a person down. Not when so many people are born already in the whole of poverty.

Ive been this poor twice before. Once as a kid, so my parents were the ones dealing with a lot of the ramifications. We always had food, we just didn't have a lot and it was cheap food. The other time I was this poor, I had more people in my life. And, I don't know why, people felt the need to feed me. A neighbor shared her excess WIC stuff, a friend's mom (my other mom) would give me leftovers, so would my parents and for much of that time I worked in a kitchen. This time I'm on my own, with 5 pets and more to loose (home, car). Ok, I'm done now.

PS- I am hustling my ass trying to find more work and more hours but I'm scared about that because I know there's a limit to how much stress I can deal with before I become a bigger mental wreck than I am.
 
You're a strong person for talking about this. Needing this kind of help shouldn't be a shameful thing, but I understand why it feels that way.

You're a caring person - the fact that you're doing everything you're doing for animals, for volunteering - often to your personal detriment - say lots about the caring person that you are.

I wish I had advice to give you about your finances, but I'm hopeless with that kind of stuff. I'm just here to support you and remind you to try to be kind to yourself.
 
I think what you are doing is admirable. You are asking for help to keep you (and your pets) fed so that you can do the best you can with the job search and etc.

Plus, you are directly challenging the messages of your parents.

I’ve reluctantly been to food banks myself and volunteered at one too. A fair percentage of those who have worked at one needed help from one. Will they judge you? I doubt it. They are there to help, not judge.
 
You are already playing it forward. No one at a food bank would judge you. You are just someone else they can feel good about helping. I have used food banks and panhandled to get food in my life. It was hard to go and ask for the help but it was given to me with care and compassion.
 
If I didn't hit a food bank once in awhile, like I didn't this month, I would have nothing to eat by the end of the month. I just go in, get my food, tell everyone thank you, because I truly mean it... and come home and count my blessings and feel deep gratitude. It's just one more thing we can learn to do that helps us feel human. Humans have to eat. A way is provided.

And I have no doubt in my mind, when you can, you will pay it forward. The size of your heart comes thru in your words here... So, hold your head up, go get some food, and work magic with what you get.

Anyone that works with animals, somehow they get extra blessings... get some food in that tummy. We can hardly do the mental work we have to do if we are hungry.... lots of faith in you, you are doing the right things for the right reasons... gentle hugs if you accept.
 
Thank you all. Reading your replies gave me the strength to go in. And yes, as expected, everyone was so nice there. They even had chilli cooking and....well... since I'd barely eaten anything today, I was happy to have some. And a guy sat down and we just talked some and it made me feel welcome. And one of the homeless guys who I used to see a lot, when I volunteered for the homeless shelter made a point of telling to make sure and keep coming. And one of the volunteers there found out I volunteer with the pet food bank. They have some pet food there so she had all kinds of questions about how we manage our pet food program.

And ... fresh fruit and veggies. Yes.
 
Awesome to read @Muttly, so happy you went. Fear is such an ugly ugly monster that keeps us from having a descent life.. and we DO need to eat !! Very happy to hear it turned out so well... so, one less thing for you to worry about now... hope it helps you to feel better in your mind , heart and soul !!
 
Glad to hear it all went well for you:happy::happy::happy:. It is hard to ask and except help. You did good today. I wish you strength as you continue your healing journey.
Peace be safe
 
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