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Relationship Opinion please

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I do trust him. There is just fear with that trust now. What happened three months ago wasn’t him. He felt so bad he was contemplating suicide. I wanted him to acknowledge it so I would feel like I was being heard. He would have done that before. It’s gut wrenching to sit back half way across the country and wait while someone is attempting to take your husband, even when you know his answer.
I did tell him last night. He responded in a long text that summed up was that she had developed feelings for him, he shot her down, she backed off, they remain friends and she dating someone now. Had he simply said that before life would have been easier. I feel like everything with him is a test and he’s stacked the deck against me.
 
I hear you @Gemini83. At a certain point, trusting someone again must be a conscious choice. Truth is though, both need to work hard on rebuilding trust, most of all the one who broke it. When someone is dragging their feet on making amends and offering full transparency with ample opportunities to ask questions and talk, well, they’re making the process very, very difficult. It takes two. When PTSD is in the mix, even worse. What’s necessary to rebuild and maintain trust is nigh impossible when they’re symptomatic. I feel for you.
 
Right now it seems he’s ignoring me. I’ll leave him alone for a bit. He usually always does the right thing in the end. He just usually needs to time to think things over. He does not see how demanding blind trust without working for it or keeping promises is an unreasonable expectation.
 
I think you’re in denial about not trusting him. (Otherwise you wouldn’t have made this post.)

I think you’re blaming PTSD for his cheating when he is the one who made the decision to cheat. Cheating is not a PTSD symptom.
 
@Gemini83 - he broke the trust between you. No reason is acceptable. It wasn't an accident.

The question here is can you forgive him? For your own sake. I cannot imagine the stress this is causing you. So can you forgive and move on..because you cannot have your radar constantly on and searching or anticipating the next threat. Who wants to live like that?
 
Sorry, I agree with the others. He didn’t cheat because he has PTSD. He made the choice to cheat. You say you trust him. Then the friend he has shouldn’t be a problem. Even if she does have feelings for him. Because you know he wouldn’t act on it. You said he has broken all the boundaries he set. Are they his boundaries or your boundaries. Because if they are yours.that’s why they didn’t stick . He lost your trust by cheating. It takes time and work on both ends to get it back. It doesn’t come back overnight. Do you feel he is working towards getting your trust back? Do you feel he understands the pain he has caused you.? Do you know why he cheated? I understand why you don’t trust this woman, but do you truly trust your husband? And it’s alright if you don’t. You have a good reason not to.
 
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