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Struggling with self injury tonight

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I feel really compelled to say something.. First of all YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Second of all I t...

Thanks so much for your post, @WishfulThinking123. It couldn't have come at a better time. I used SH again (blades and all) last night and cut in a place I promised myself I'd never cut. Escalation is real. I'm struggling tonight but have promised myself I will NOT do that tonight.

Grateful for this community.

You are not alone, but surrounded by many who get it. Great job asking for help and reaching out....that...
Thank you, @Joan. I feel like I can't talk to any of my real-life friends about this because they'll think I'm crazy (maybe I am?) or suicidal (I'm definitely not). My therapist knows, but I have a hard time talking to him about it under normal circumstances, much less when we're dealing with a rupture in our own connection (as we are now). Hearing that I'm not alone means the world.
 
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Right there with you guys.
I've now almost decided to quit the more serious forms of self harm (cutting & burning). First, I need to get some info on how one does that. I mean, do I first make plans about alternative coping methods, do I treat this thing like an addiction etc.? Or, am I just being a moron and making things complicated when I should just quit aka not do it?
 
@Freemartin JMHE, not sure if this is helpful, but just to say, I went through some years of SH behaviour (not cutting). I eventually stole (I believe, was too ashamed to check it out, though possibly 'smuggled' it back in) a book from the library called something like, ~'Women Who Hurt Themselves'. (I was trying to overcome everything, piece by piece). I still see it come up listed here and they say good but can be really destabilizing because they don't give you coping methods for what is unearthed.

Anyway, I remember crying reading it- first and only time I recall crying 'in empathy for myself'- specifically, empathy for 1st how 'anyone' of my/ that age would have reacted, considering the circumstances/ what I saw. And the SH just stopped- pretty much permanently, barring a few 'blips'. I had never SH'ed prior but did for years post that event.

Anyway, over time I realized I sort of, no- I did- SH in ways that I didn't think of as 'SH' (overwork, denying basic necessities of human life, food, etc to myself; trauma re-enactment situations or fantasies, not taking care of myself, abusing OTC meds), but it wasn't intentional and I didn't see it that way.

I wish you/ everyone good luck with it. Maybe the book will help, even as a man (what's the difference- we're all human)? I'd recognize it, it had a dark cover. :hug:
 
@WishfulThinking123

I know :(

I know that if I keep doing it I'll probably start using a blade eventually. I even know which one I'd want to use, though I also have a box of razors.

When I have gotten self harm desires it does make me want to use a blade. The urge to do so is strong but I settle for scratching myself hard with various objects. Nothing too sharp. It started with me using my nails but progressed to objects, so I imagine it will be inevitable that it progresses to blades if I keep doing it.

But, since the time of that writing I still haven't self-harmed. My desires to do so also have decreased. The things that used to give me suicidal thoughts don't give me those thoughts so much anymore. I'm not as depressed as I was, even though I'm more symptomatic with PTSD stuff, and having difficulty with a lot of things, lately.
 
@Sweetleaf I am so glad and happy for you that you have resisted the urge! Each time you resist it does become easier and easier. In the moment what helps me, although yes I do still SH, is to remember although it feels like it will last forever it wont. You have to get through the moment. Sometimes, it helps to journal so, I'm still addressing everything I'm feeling and by the time I'm done the feeling has often passed or at least decreased or I'm just too tired lol (usually at night). I have also found mindlessly painting really soothing as well. Wishing you the best of luck! I recently relapsed 2 weeks ago after months (5?) of nothing... Let me tell you, not to beat yourself up and even if you do succumb to past habits that doesnt negate the progress you have made. I thought it meant I was back at square one- but I'm not...its not as bad and I just need to keep working through stuff and keep marching forward.
 
Okay, I'd like to share my almost-successful attempt to resist the urges.
So, I faced a trigger. The urges washed over me like a warm wave. I decided to "try to have quit" self-harming. It was almost like a role play. I kinda pretended to be a person who has made a decision to quit.

I resisted the urges for a while. Tried (unsuccessfully) to contact my nurse. Which actually made the urges worse. I used some of my grounding methods. Tried to calm my system down. Washed the dishes (usually helps). Started to make a collage. Then I relapsed a little. The scissors. Won't go into detail, but let's just say I stumbled off the wagon.

The lesson learned: the idea of playing a role play was good. I could talk myself into it. The idea of using scissors: not good. I need to stay the f*ck away from blades etc when I'm having urges. Also, trying to contact the nurse was probably not a good idea. I always struggle with asking for help. Next time I should call the helpline of my outpatient program. They always answer right away.

So, next time the urge comes I'll be this much wiser.
 
Struggling with this myself tonight.
Thank you for all sharing your stories, I've just been reading through them trying to delay/distract myself from following through with my SH urges. It helps to know I'm not alone.
 
When I get really overwhelmed with strong emotions I cut. I use blades, but only scratch myself.

One time when it was really bad I but the entire inside of my forearm from elbow to wrist. It was Red and warm and all the emotions went away.

I want to cut myself now, but my arms aren’t a possibility because I’ll get caught. I found somewhere I can cut and I one will see, but I fear I won’t be able to stop at one or two cuts.

So far I haven’t done it though. Part of me thinks if I sleep I’ll be able to cope better, but if I sleep I think the memories will come back. It’s a rock and a hard place situation I guess.
 
I'm really sad to read how many people are self harming. I'm glad to see that many of you don't cut yet. Please, never cross that line.
I've struggled with self harm for 10 years, and I did cut the last few years. I've been clean for about 4 years now. Yes, I say clean because it IS an addiction.
Two nights ago I started having flashbacks. I've relapsed back into my PTSD. Self harm usually gets me out of the flashbacks, but I just really don't want to do it anymore. For the past few weeks I hit the wall with my fist and dug my nails into my palms, technically still self harm. But I never want to go back to cutting.
I'm lucky I never used my arm when the self harm 'got serious' but my upper legs are full of scars and they always will be.

What helped me two nights ago, was get up (this took me about 10 minutes because I'm practically paralyzed when having flashbacks), and start pacing. like, VIOLENTLY pacing, untill I calmed down. Just focus on the steps.
I think because my trauma comes down to very physical stuff (sexual abuse), I also need something physical to calm me down. Looking at an object for example does not help one bit, I need to physically feel something else. Pacing or working out is my best option right now.

Much love to all of you... Quitting self harm is not a permanent thing. You just say to yourself; not now. Not the next minute. Not the next 5 minutes. And so on.
Just saying Not now over and over again takes you far too.
 
I think because my trauma comes down to very physical stuff (sexual abuse), I also need something physical to calm me down. Looking at an object for example does not help one bit, I need to physically feel something else. Pacing or working out is my best option right now.
This is great self-awareness. The same skills don’t work on everyone - understanding what works for you is a discovery process, but it takes work to keep trying.

Pace away! Whatever works, works.
 
Well now I'm the one who's struggling. I feel alone and abandoned by everyone. My mother was here yesterday and basically told me it was my mindset and to just get over it. My doctor didnt even react to what i was saying today, that im so afraid of relapsing into self harm and ed. That a really big part of me wants that right now. She just let me go without any help.
And now my husband kinda sided with my doctor. He wasnt even there.

I feel alone and angry at everything and i just want to give in. I dont give a f*ck anymore. If no ones listening, truly listening to what im feeling EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES NO SENSE
Then just let me be with my own misery. Who am I fighting for.
 
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