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Other Near-drowning

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whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Ok, maybe not. But it was very traumatic for me, and I'm not sure what to do with it.

When I was 5, I took swimming lessons at the Y. The instructor, I think in an effort to get me used to holding my breath under water, pushed me under and held me there. I was sure I was going to die.

I remember seeing my mom in the observation room, watching. And I remember telling the instructor and my mom that I was NEVER going to do that again.

And I didn't. Water terrifies me.
 
I came close to drowning twice as a young child. As in...no one noticed I was in a pool the first time and I’m really not sure what happened in the ocean the second time. But my father took the time to take a photo of me crying my eyes out holding a tattered rope.

What strikes me now is that I was never given swimming lessons after that - although it was the norm for my peers - and I grew up terrified of putting my head under water. Could not dive into water and was filled with shame when it came to school swimming carnivals. Visits to the beach - especially when the waves were crashing - made me so anxious. My father telling me not to be stupid probably didn’t help. It was truly horrible.

In my 30s I forced myself to start swimming in a pool after I injured my back. I used kick boards and dipped my head in the water as I gained confidence. I even took private lessons. So gradual exposure and desensitization really. I always thought I was a crap swimmer but apparently not. Anyway the long and the short of it is I’m ok with swimming but it does take a lot of conscious effort to get in the right head space. I think that’s where my ability to compartmentalise comes in. I do the same for public speaking and other things that used to make me terribly anxious.
 
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