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I'm dysfunctionally helpful and don't know how to stop

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Hey @PreciousChild
I've looked at the previous codependency threads on the forum and am "ready" to post a new one now... just having trouble working out which section it should best go in... Any suggestions?
 
Do you think that will "exclude" those on the forum who identify as "PTSD sufferers" rather than as "PTSD supporters"?
I'm indecisive :)
 
Hi @Sophy. I'm on chapter 9 of Codependent No More. I am really soaking all of it in and would love to talk more about it. Ready for a codependent thread when you are!
 
Heyyyyyyy :)
Chapter 9 ?? OMG :D:p:)
My PTSD brain is being stoopid.
I want to be calm and collected to start a thread up "properly".
Not finding any "calm and collected" round here at the moment tho :laugh::roflmao:
Do you want to start it up?? :inlove:
I'm out and about for the day, but will try and check in on this this evening and if there's no co-dependency thread I will try and make one without "calm and collected" :laugh::roflmao:
So looking forward to this thread and this topic!! :)
Sorry my PTSD brain is being useless :rolleyes:
 
co-dependency = trying to control others
I'm not certain that this isn't too simplistic an answer. My thought on this is more co-dependency = anticipating people's needs (even if they don't know they need it) so I don't get killed because I did the wrong thing.

I think perfectionism is a big thing that intertwines with this as well. It has to really. Being perfect is life saving as well.

And each of these things rely on external cues for validation. This is the crux of the matter as to why one can't tend to their own needs.
My needs = get me killed
Your needs = if you are happy while I make sure they are satisfied in you - keep me alive

As a result I never check in to see what my needs are.
I am obsessively anticipating your needs.

That is why self care is so freaking hard. Self care becomes dangerous. I think this happens at a very young age.

Most people don't like even a whiff of co-dependent behaviour. They don't like people anticipating their needs. On the other hand... abusers, narcissists, psychopaths, lazy people LOVE co-dependents and need them just as the co-dependent needs them.
 
Sorry to hear that you're going through a non-calm patch, @Sophy . I've been out and about a lot too. One of us will get it started!!

@shimmerz , thanks for your insightful pist. I want to read it again later, but a connection was made when you said that my needs=death and the other's needs=survival. Yes, yes, that's why I think we almost go against the grain of nature to ignore our own needs. I also really liked your point about how most "normal" people don't want to have their needs anticipated besides the type of people we should probably stay away from. Thanks!
 
Hey @PreciousChild - well, I started the thread:
Codependency and codependent tendencies - exploring and overcoming them

Hope I didn't do too crappy a job of it! :rolleyes:
My brain is kinda elsewhere... :p

So I can't believe you're up to Chapt 9 already :D
I'm *still* reading the introduction :laugh:
I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not a *slow* reader, just... um... thorough :laugh::roflmao::facepalm::rolleyes::wacky:

I await all your insights from Chapt's 1 to 9 in the new thread :)
 
think I suppress that need a lot, so that I don't look like I'm making too many demands, but it builds up, and it definitely comes out one way or the othe

@PreciousChild... yes these are different approaches. Two kinds of extremes. A few Days ago I was asked by an colleague to help her while moving out of her apartment. After about 6 hrs carrying stuff, I told her I will go get something to eat, her answer was " Well its a bad time now, we have a few more things to put into the van". There were 4 other people as well. I got very angry and told her that a hungry Purusha is no fun to be around, so better No comments on that. She was a bit angry... huh? Then after we finished I told her that she should be glad that I am so quick to help. Stupid woman.

Lost another contact I guess...
 
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