Hey guys. Just need to get some stuff off my chest. I've lurked here for a while and this forum has been wonderful in helping me not screw up my friendship with a retired combat vet, so I hope it's OK.
He'd brought up years ago that if he gets too close to people, he cuts ties. He's been totally upfront that he can't get into romantic relationships with women(I'm female). That's fine, I keep it strictly platonic, and I'd never disrespect his choice by trying to initiate something. I don't get touchy-feely, I try not to be too empathetic or emotional since it makes him pretty uncomfortable. He believes he destroys everything he touches, which sucks because he's never been anything but a positive influence in my life, although I'm sure sometimes that means he's putting in a lot of effort - and I'm sure a lot of it also boils down to having kept things platonic and uncomplicated. I've seen the push-and-pull roller coaster and the cycles of isolation. I'll send him a funny picture every couple of weeks when he needs alone time, sort of to say, "hey I'm still here as your pal", but without any obligation to respond if he's not up for it. It's fine - I'm his friend, not his mother or his girl.
When the withdrawal gets bad sometimes he'll still talk to me, and he's brought up going off-grid a number of times in the past. Well, the plans are becoming more of a reality, seems he's got some land he's been looking at. He has made it clear that when he finalizes all of his off-grid prep, that'll be it. He intends to drop completely out of the "civilian jungle", forget about me and "erase himself from my existence for my own good". He then sort of implied that he has feelings for me in a roundabout way, and kept asking whether or not I was attracted to him. Kind of an unfair question I think given the boundaries he'd previously set. There are very few women on the planet that would not find him attractive, but I know a relationship would never work between us, especially while he's untreated. Especially while he's planning to isolate for good. So I just have no interest in entertaining those sorts of thoughts, definitely not now. And I'm not sure what he was hoping to achieve by asking, I guess. Very confusing.
Ugh. He honestly believes he's a destructive force in my life and even now he's trying to protect me, even if it means protecting me from himself. I tried to explain the ways that he's positively influenced me(and they are many), but I seemed to just make it worse - because at this moment he seems to see any influence he has on anyone as tainted and somehow bad.
I always knew this could happen, I really did. Especially if he's caught feelings for me, then I can't be the kind of friend he needs, I guess. And I feel like the best and only thing I can do is to not make him feel guilty about leaving. I'm very, very grateful that he was able to tell me he plans to cut ties instead of just ghosting on me, that was probably hard to do. He does want to meet up one last time just to hang out and just have fun (we live in different cities right now). I just really hope I don't cry at the end of it, man. That would be super f**ked.
I mainly just needed to vent but I'd really welcome any advice or perspective you guys might have. Dude was my best friend for years, and I don't have many. Sucks.
He'd brought up years ago that if he gets too close to people, he cuts ties. He's been totally upfront that he can't get into romantic relationships with women(I'm female). That's fine, I keep it strictly platonic, and I'd never disrespect his choice by trying to initiate something. I don't get touchy-feely, I try not to be too empathetic or emotional since it makes him pretty uncomfortable. He believes he destroys everything he touches, which sucks because he's never been anything but a positive influence in my life, although I'm sure sometimes that means he's putting in a lot of effort - and I'm sure a lot of it also boils down to having kept things platonic and uncomplicated. I've seen the push-and-pull roller coaster and the cycles of isolation. I'll send him a funny picture every couple of weeks when he needs alone time, sort of to say, "hey I'm still here as your pal", but without any obligation to respond if he's not up for it. It's fine - I'm his friend, not his mother or his girl.
When the withdrawal gets bad sometimes he'll still talk to me, and he's brought up going off-grid a number of times in the past. Well, the plans are becoming more of a reality, seems he's got some land he's been looking at. He has made it clear that when he finalizes all of his off-grid prep, that'll be it. He intends to drop completely out of the "civilian jungle", forget about me and "erase himself from my existence for my own good". He then sort of implied that he has feelings for me in a roundabout way, and kept asking whether or not I was attracted to him. Kind of an unfair question I think given the boundaries he'd previously set. There are very few women on the planet that would not find him attractive, but I know a relationship would never work between us, especially while he's untreated. Especially while he's planning to isolate for good. So I just have no interest in entertaining those sorts of thoughts, definitely not now. And I'm not sure what he was hoping to achieve by asking, I guess. Very confusing.
Ugh. He honestly believes he's a destructive force in my life and even now he's trying to protect me, even if it means protecting me from himself. I tried to explain the ways that he's positively influenced me(and they are many), but I seemed to just make it worse - because at this moment he seems to see any influence he has on anyone as tainted and somehow bad.
I always knew this could happen, I really did. Especially if he's caught feelings for me, then I can't be the kind of friend he needs, I guess. And I feel like the best and only thing I can do is to not make him feel guilty about leaving. I'm very, very grateful that he was able to tell me he plans to cut ties instead of just ghosting on me, that was probably hard to do. He does want to meet up one last time just to hang out and just have fun (we live in different cities right now). I just really hope I don't cry at the end of it, man. That would be super f**ked.
I mainly just needed to vent but I'd really welcome any advice or perspective you guys might have. Dude was my best friend for years, and I don't have many. Sucks.