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Sad. relationship with my father is pretty much over.

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EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
So I was in a PHP partial hospitalization program for a few weeks following my inpatient stay. I was able to have two family meetings, one while inpatient and one in PHP. My mom said she’d be there in a heartbeat, no questions asked, and so I had her come to a session with my inpatient therapist. My dad, on the other hand, was extremely hesitant to come and feared I’d ambush him by having my mom there. (Long/short, bad divorce, lawsuit over property, you get the idea.) Finally my dad agreed to come to the PHP family session.

I was afraid all hell would break loose as I don’t get along with his new wife. (Multiple screaming sessions as she’s a big part of the reason my relationship with my dad is so horrible.)

My dad blindsided me while I was inpatient saying that healing had to happen NOW (on his timeline) and tried to force me to see her. Uhm hullo, you don’t force extremely stressful shit on someone who is in a mental hospital for wanting to kill themselves and not being able to stay safe. I broke down crying and told him to leave if he was going to do this to me. I tried to make nice and saw her for a few minutes at the end. BAD idea as when they left I had a total breakdown.

So fast forward to PHP. I asked my dad to come to a session and still his wife was making everything all about her. He and his wife fought for days over me not wanting her there. Mind you this is a private mental hospital so if I don’t want her on the property I can call security and have her kicked out. Finally my dad agreed to come to the session alone.

The session went better than expected as I didn’t freak out. My dad told me that given his circumstances he couldn’t do anything more than text or talk on the phone....read: his wife is uber jealous and will not “allow” my dad to see me without her present.

My dad is pretty much hoodwinked. His wife has sooooo much trauma that he needs to bow down and make her happy, even if it means losing his daughter.

The therapist said I might get to a better place one day and decide to meet both of them together so I can prove to her that I’m “ok” and then she’ll let me see my dad alone. (Oh hail no. Not happening. I’m not going to try to prove myself worthy.

Yes, this is a f*cked up situation. This bitch-ho is ruining my dad’s relationships. Err uhm, helping to ruin my dad’s relationship as he could stand up to her and say no I want to know my family! But no, they are codependent as f*ck.

Yes, my step mother is jealous of me. Everything is always about her and she can’t understand that the world doesn’t revolve around her.

And no, I’m not the only one. My dad is removing others from his life so it makes me realize it’s not me.

At the end of the day I know I did everything I could and still lost my dad. Texting/calling is just fluff. I want my dad in my life. Even if he was one of my abusers. How’s that for f*cked up?

I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. Support is welcome.

My dad and his wife are super religious. They pray for me multiple times a day. I just realized that the prayers worked as god is keeping two toxic people out of my life.
 
Maybe its for the best right now, at this moment?

Yes, I think you’re right. It’s probably best for the moment.

I didn’t go down without a fight. I did all I could and it still wasn’t enough.

I fear my dad will die and I won’t know him anymore. Life is precious. He’ll be 70 this year.

You need to do what's best for yourself. Those sound like toxic people that you are right to keep...

Thank you. The situation is very toxic!

This is kind of funny/weird.

I spoke to my dad after the session and he was asking me to give him Ativan. Yes, the controlled substance you’ll go to jail for giving to someone else. I was just sitting there thinking A) this is so weird and B) when the hell would I give it to you since you don’t want to see me again?!?

Ugh.
 
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Oh @EveHarrington - my sympathy. Hey you did try and maybe your father will get over 'caring' for his new wife to see you sooner than later. But best it to be on your terms and when you are feeling stronger.
The wife sounds like a real problem.

Very strange about the drugs...maybe he was going to give it to his new wife? :cautious:
 
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