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Kittie's Journal

A Thanksgiving miracle! My cat has improved slightly! Not "out of the woods", but a huge relief! She was acting more like her normal self so much that I went ahead and went to the dinner I was invited to. My neighbor has a large family but I had never met most of them. The food was fantastic! The people were hilarious and I don't recall the last time I laughed so hard. I didn't stay for the after dinner movie, but they knew I had a sick cat at home I needed to get back to.

I always feel shy when meeting new people, but this time I didn't. I felt like my jolly old self again for the first time in ages! This crowd reminded me so much of my old family life and the silly moments we shared. Someone drew a line in whipped cream across my forehead and said "Simba"! I laughed until it hurt, still laughing. I'm glad I went but when I got home the reality of the empty house hit kind of hard. Later I realized that was the first time I had met new people and which no one asked me what happened to me and I didn't feel the need to keep my hair pulled over the side of my face. I was too busy laughing with them and adding to their jokes to give it a thought. That was a rare day that will stay in my memory for a very long time. Despite being a mess, I really do have a lot to be thankful for!

The realization that I feel much better and more balanced around others makes being alone so depressing. I need to get over that attitude and just embrace it for what it is. Laughing and feeling normal for a little while yesterday did my spirit a lot of good.
 
Happy you had a great time Kittie. It does help when you are used to having large family gatherings, to be reminded of the good times.

I hope someone special walks into your life and that they appreciate you for who you are.

Glad your cat is improving too. You have many times ahead that being with yourself is going to be such a blessing with many rewards.

Hope this day brings you joy too.
 
My cat is back to normal! What a relief!

I've finally slept well and was working around the yard/garage/shed to get ready for winter when I noticed a lot of things missing from the shed. I tried to review the security system and it locked me out. I'm very annoyed right now. I left a voice-mail with the police who will be open on Tuesday. They aren't open very often, just a few days a week. One of the officers installed the security, I was hoping he could help me crack the code, since he mis-typed the code I chose to use. I could try all day, like playing the old game "Master Mind", but I have 2 tries left or I'm locked out permanently. It might be less stressful to just take the loss, but I'll still be unable to use the security if anything more serious occurs. Ugh.
 
I'm a little nervous when I write something or respond to someone else, afraid of using the wrong words to say what I'm trying to say. I've finally got to a place where I can interact with people I don't know who also have PTSD.
I think maybe a lot of us are nervous to write something here or respond to someone else. This whole reaching out thing can be a very new part of the healing journey in our traumatic experience. Anyhow, despite my intellectualizations, welcome! Glad to meet you, to spite the circumstances. :)
I joke that I'm "dumb as a box of rocks", because since having a brain injury 31 years ago, I feel I've lost some IQ points. I've lost a few other things too, but I compensate.

I have difficulty teaching myself new things. I get easily overwhelmed by technology and how to use it.

Example...my boyfriend replaced my 20 year old phone. Very simple to use- dial, answer, or text by pressing the numbers until the correct letter displays, one letter at a time and press "send". That was it!

I'm not ungrateful for this one that is like a typewriter, computer, tv, games, music and amazing camera! It does more than I know what to do with! I've only had this a week, my hair is turning gray! My brain is overwhelmed! My guy is a tech genius and he spent much of our camping trip showing me the different functions of the phone. If I'm shown, I can learn. Teaching myself is a frazzled mess! Getting teary eyed from frustration is a side-effect of TBI. I think that may have been a factor in my failed marriage. I'm much better now, just over 31 years of dealing with it. I've come a long way! No one would know from the outside, but it does affect me. There are physical things I can't hide.
I'm so sorry to hear of your failed marriage. I think maybe I can relate a little bit. 12 years. Not a healthy relationship. Quite ugly at times, indeed. Anyhow, we give it all we can, and then some. Only for it to fail. To not work out. The dream of our life. Shattered. It sucks. I'm so sorry for the invisible pains and the physical things you can't hide.
Short term memory isn't very good, but I can remember long ago very clearly. Strange how that works.
I'm losing it all. So be thankful that you still have your long-term! Teasing. It is hard adapting to the changes, isn't it?
My last regular interactions with people were physical therapy and counseling and being a caregiver for my mom, my only relative. I've spent the majority of my life avoiding people, hibernating. Cats are my companions. I had a couple of my own, then inherited mom's two.

Off and on, over the last few years, a good friend and I have become very close and its wonderful to finally have a normal life! Yet I'm not quite normal, I'm accepted.
Accepted. I like that. I'm happy for you. This seems like a very good thing. I love to feel accepted.
I have a chance for a happy future, I've prayed for that over 10 years. Depression has improved over the past few months
I am so happy that through your tragedy, you are able to come to a happy closure with a positive outlook for the future. I smile for you.

We're here any time you want to talk.
Woodsy
 
I think maybe a lot of us are nervous to write something here or respond to someone else. This whole reaching out thing can be a very new part of the healing journey in our traumatic experience. Anyhow, despite my intellectualizations, welcome! Glad to meet you, to spite the circumstances. :)
Nice to meet you too!
My concern is my reply won't come out as intended and someone will end up feeling offended. I want to boost people up and not add to the problem by my mismanagement of words. It seems many here are very proper and eloquent with their language writing skills.
I'm so sorry to hear of your failed marriage. I think maybe I can relate a little bit. 12 years. Not a healthy relationship. Quite ugly at times, indeed. Anyhow, we give it all we can, and then some. Only for it to fail. To not work out. The dream of our life. Shattered. It sucks. I'm so sorry for the invisible pains and the physical things you can't hide.
I'm sorry to hear that happened to you also. Divorce is upending to our lives...an additional thing to recover from.
Many years later, I found my sense of humor again and can say I was divorced on grounds of being ugly, though it was officially "irreconcilable differences".
I'm losing it all. So be thankful that you still have your long-term! Teasing. It is hard adapting to the changes, isn't it?
It really is hard adapting to the change and having enough awareness to compare what used to be to what is now. I find it frustrating. I've learned to make lots of notes and try not to misplace the notes!
Accepted. I like that. I'm happy for you. This seems like a very good thing. I love to feel accepted.
Feeling accepted instead of repulsive brought a lot of joy to my heart...however, in a strange twist of events, it was I who decided not to continue the relationship. I guess we had "personality differences". I'll be happier in the long run for making that choice.
I am so happy that through your tragedy, you are able to come to a happy closure with a positive outlook for the future. I smile for you.

We're here any time you want to talk.
Woodsy
Thank you for your kind words and positivity! I'm here for you as well.
Best wishes always!
 
A new nightmare. Finally!!! I've been stuck with the same one forever, it seems. A slow motion replay of the past where I know how it ends before I wake up.

This time, a change from the usual. It shook me up, but I reasoned it out and was fine. In the dream, I was going on a long trip by bus (I did this once), but in my dream, Simon (my cat) was going with me in his carrier. I turned around and the carrier was missing, sending me into frantic mode. I spent most of the dream searching for him and woke myself up.

I believe the dream was brought on by the stress of a recent serious illness of one of my cats and the stress of a break-in and theft I discovered yesterday. Jumble those true-life facts around in my brain and dreamed someone stole Simon. Solved that mystery, Scooby! Now the REAL mystery can be solved, who stole the stuff??

A little help from the security company will show exactly what happened. If they'll give me my forgotten password! I didn't program it, so its not a password I would have selected...heck if I can find the paper scrap I wrote it on.

I know this occurred on Thanksgiving day when I was visiting friends, the items were there the day prior.

My tech wizard friend could be helpful with this security system issue, but I refuse to be needy to him, I've separated myself from him. I drew the line, now I have to stay on my side of the line.

Even if all this system is good for now is to monitor things going on around the property live if things go bump in the night, its better than wondering. This system recorded the event but it won't let me access the past video. I'm hoping the company will be helpful. Fingers crossed.

Giving a gift that requires intelligence to someone like me is....nice, but I'm better off with a box of rocks! At leas I can throw them at intruders! Grrr!!
 
I hope you get some answers in regard to who stole your things. I would feel uneasy knowing that someone had been in my personal space without my permission or awareness.

Maybe make the password into a hieroglyphic that only you know the meaning of. That way you can put it in a frame somewhere and it looks like artwork and no one would even know it's a password. I think in 'art terms'. This may not help at all.

I hope you have a good day Kittie. Be kind to yourself.
 
I hope you get some answers in regard to who stole your things. I would feel uneasy knowing that someone had been in my personal space without my permission or awareness.

Maybe make the password into a hieroglyphic that only you know the meaning of. That way you can put it in a frame somewhere and it looks like artwork and no one would even know it's a password. I think in 'art terms'. This may not help at all.

I hope you have a good day Kittie. Be kind to yourself.
Thanks for a fantastic idea! I'll also be nailing some doors closed. I'll leave 2 for emergency exits but the others will be fixed to be difficult to open. Its a creepy, "violated" feeling knowing my space was invaded.
I hope you have a great day also!
 
My concern is my reply won't come out as intended and someone will end up feeling offended. I
oh ya - you will. 😁 I've done it spectacularly a couple times! But you will find that the people around here are very forgiving. I mean, its a on line writing site for people with ptsd. Mistakes are bound to happen so people will usually give you a chance to fix it.

I'll also be nailing some doors closed.
Ok - admittedly it's the dispatcher in me but please be careful with this. People get stuck in rooms like this and then die because they can't make it to the exit they thought they were going to be able to get to in an emergency.

Instead of nailing it shut, you can use dowels to block the doors and windows from the inside so they can't be opened from the outside but if you need to get out it's easy for you to move them. Your security company should be able to walk you thru how to do that.
Way safer than nails but still serves the same purpose
 
oh ya - you will. 😁 I've done it spectacularly a couple times! But you will find that the people around here are very forgiving. I mean, its a on line writing site for people with ptsd. Mistakes are bound to happen so people will usually give you a chance to fix it.
Yes...and when it eventually happens, I'd feel just awful! I only mean to send good feelings and would NEVER intentionally hurt anyone, but if I do, I hope they would let me know. I wouldn't take offense to things said to me, I accept criticism and take from it the good things and discard the rest.
Ok - admittedly it's the dispatcher in me but please be careful with this. People get stuck in rooms like this and then die because they can't make it to the exit they thought they were going to be able to get to in an emergency.

Instead of nailing it shut, you can use dowels to block the doors and windows from the inside so they can't be opened from the outside but if you need to get out it's easy for you to move them. Your security company should be able to walk you thru how to do that.
Way safer than nails but still serves the same purpose
I'd like to do a set-up similar to the Flintstones, haha...a removable plank! This house has 5 doors, a few too many and on different levels...impossible to know who's lurking unless I watch the security screen. The windows are impossible to open, they'd have to break the glass.

Good news, I was able to access the video I needed and watched the little bugger make 2 trips carrying off my stuff. The police recognized him, he's got a long history of being bad news. Book'm, Danno!! A little effort from a few people coming together and it solved the problem. I'm thankful because I'm a sitting duck living alone in the boonies. I may be quackers, but city life isn't for me anymore!
 
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