Strangelongtrip
MyPTSD Pro
Hello all! I just found out about fearful attachment and am sobbing both happy and sad tears because I'm realizing it's me to the very description. I crave close relationships and love, but I am absolutely terrified of intimacy. I posted recently about a friend I've gotten really close to. We were long distance friends from August 2020 to April 2021, at which point I stayed with them because they helped me move to the city I currently live in. I was the first guest they ever let stay with them and I think they've been moved out on their own for I think around 3 or so years now, and they've had past relationships as well.
I believe we have mutual feelings (as in I have told them my feelings and they said they feel similarly, but I don't believe them because we still call each other friend or say it's a romantic friendship and honestly I am so grateful for that because otherwise I couldn't deny the intimacy there). I am really, really struggling. I oscillate from they're the best person ever and I love being close to them to I hate them for making me vulnerable and I feel like I'm going to be hurt so I want to run run run and find excuses and things that I could use to push them away and distance myself. The last 3 days have been completely just me wanting to push away or basically not connecting on purpose, keeping things surface level. I see a new therapist Monday who specializes in attachment theory but here is my TLDR:
Does anyone have any books on how to treat fearful attachment, especially involving intimacy/relationships/and even just theory? Honestly any book about it would be a welcome recommendation. Thank you all.
I believe we have mutual feelings (as in I have told them my feelings and they said they feel similarly, but I don't believe them because we still call each other friend or say it's a romantic friendship and honestly I am so grateful for that because otherwise I couldn't deny the intimacy there). I am really, really struggling. I oscillate from they're the best person ever and I love being close to them to I hate them for making me vulnerable and I feel like I'm going to be hurt so I want to run run run and find excuses and things that I could use to push them away and distance myself. The last 3 days have been completely just me wanting to push away or basically not connecting on purpose, keeping things surface level. I see a new therapist Monday who specializes in attachment theory but here is my TLDR:
Does anyone have any books on how to treat fearful attachment, especially involving intimacy/relationships/and even just theory? Honestly any book about it would be a welcome recommendation. Thank you all.